I was never the type of person to believe "Love of first sight" was possible. Believe it or not, I still don't. I mean yeah sure, people say it all the time and they feel as if that's true but in reality it isn't. It can't be...Can it?..
I refused to believe that the wild and bold emotion that love has known to be had become so easy as a simple glance. It never is that easy. My life is proof.
Sure, I stated that I was head over heels for this girl but that doesn't make me in love with her. Being in love establishes realism to how us human beings perceive affection. Sometimes we imagine a better circumstance to aid in our needs. But the truth is it takes more than eye sight to find love. It takes effort.
My effort wasn't always clear, even to myself. I was still young and seemed to always be confused, but it made some kind of sense to me that I needed to know how I would truly feel over time. So I paced myself.
I was about 4 months into the school year, I made friends and felt familiar with the school by then. My list of friends wasn't long but it was enough to be comfortable with, besides Enigma had been fading from my attention without me noticing so I felt a little more confident.
Student schedules were switched around the beginning of the year but with 4 months into the first semester, classes were permanent. Alya had somehow made her way into my 4th period so it was one more class I had with her. We'd occasionally say Hi but that was the farthest I'd gotten.
Until Enigma came back.
One thing I had forgotten was how bad my anger issues were. Enigma didn't forget..
I had always been the type of kid that questions things. I had too much curiosity, that was my problem. With curiosity brings trouble, with trouble brings drama, and drama is what was caused when I opened my mouth because I always had an opinion. Unfortunately my opinion was considered as "talking back" and I got into arguments plenty of times with teachers.
Although in my defense I felt as if I didn't do anything wrong and I only stated my opinion to prove myself right. Only problem was Enigma was the one feeding into those opinions. Anger was never too far away when it came to my piece of mind, I seemed to demonstrate that fact often. But I couldn't help it.
Whenever I'm angry I do whatever comes to mind, that's just how Enigma influenced me to operate. No matter if it's dumb or smart, I just do it. Of course I don't realize what I do until it's done which by then it's already too late. I didn't notice how bad I was making myself look in front of Alya, I didn't have enough sense to care either.
Few more weeks had past and I had gotten too comfortable too quick. I started becoming open to my humorous side and I enjoyed making other people laugh, always have. Wasn't before long that I decided to pace myself to a different level of Me and Alya's relationship. I attempted presenting my weird sense of humor towards her attention to get her to notice me in a different way. It worked, but not as I hoped..
Days after is when I realized my failure. I was goofing off with Alex in a childish like manner and I actually believed that I was doing some good. I had no clear idea how repetitive I've gotten so I continuously kept at it because I was actually dumb enough to think I was getting somewhere. Next thing I knew, without warning she yelled at me to stop.
I snapped out of my idiocy as the entire class stared at me with confused faces. That was the first time I had really been noticed by the entire class and I hated it. I felt embarrassed of the unwanted attention, it was like being bullied all over again. Within the same amount of seconds I glanced back at Alya and saw the most disgusted look on her face. I realized at that moment that my sense of humor was unintentionally becoming bothersome. Instead of becoming attractive, I had became annoying.
My embarrassment then changed to disappointment. I was disappointed in the way I had treated her and immediately hated myself for failing. By the end of the day I decided it'd be best if I just kept my distance from her as a whole..
Some time passed and the school year was near ending. It was the last week of 9th grade and I felt relieved that I was wasn't going to be considered a 'Freshman' anymore. I passed my State assessments so I felt pretty confident too.
The last week had meant no school work if we turned in our finals, so people would just chat to pass time. I talked to my friends but I still felt like I wasn't worthy of talking to Alya. I mean it wasn't like I ignored her, I just purposely didn't have long conversation.
I remember conversing and suddenly seeing Alya across the room. I blurred out the words of my friend and got lost in her gaze. My head began leaning to side like some kind of curious puppy, I was glued to her appearance. The class bell brought me back to my senses, it was time to go home. After walking home, I went straight to my room and went to sleep.
The next morning I was pretty excited about waking up at a later time and eager of what the first day of summer had to offer. It wasn't exactly much but it was better than school. When the middle of the day had hit I looked at the time and grabbed my phone. I opened up a messenger app and sat down in my living room.
I just sat there, not texting a single person. All I seemed to do is stare at the screen but I didn't have the ability to type. Not that I didn't want to, I was only nervous. I wasn't nervous to text in general, I was nervous to text a certain person. That person was of course Alya.
Enigma was tempting me to go through with it just so I could get rejected but my mind then drifted to how I had gotten Alya's contact info in the first place..
It was before the first semester ended and I was in 2nd period sitting next to her. My friend Trayonne had been flirting with her and I was furiously jealous. Fortunately he was failing to succeed but even then he had done things that made me see him as a guy that has a better chance. He asked her for her contact info relating to that messenger app and I over heard. She told him no and rejected him, I was trying so hard to keep my smile in. Somehow I managed to speak and asked her for her info as well while I gotten my phone ready. She said yes surprisingly and snatched the device from my hands to type it in herself. I didn't notice but she revealed to me years later that she had only said yes to make Trayonne jealous. You would think I'd be a little angry about that but I was just happy she did it period..
There I was, back in the present just thinking of the luck I landed with that circumstance. And for some reason, something told me to try my luck once more. So I finally typed something and minutes later she responded.
The emotional side of me called it destiny, but I still think that it was just chance. I tried to be realistic and expected her to read the message and not reply so when she did I gained a bit of hope.
We were deep into conversation and I decided to give my humor one more try. She had brought up a topic and I replied with a joke. Then the thing I wasn't expecting to happen had happened.
She laughed! At my joke!...Me, the guy she hated for months had just made her laugh!
It was genuine from what I could tell and sooner or later we were texting for hours. Eventually she told me that after those hours of texting, she thought I was a pretty decent person. I was smiling so hard I looked like an idiot. Then I felt some type of relief when I replied because I had realized something.
My conclusion was the fact that my status had just been upgraded. I went from Acquaintance to Annoying, and from Annoying to friend. That's right, friend. That was the first time I felt confident in stating us as "friends" and I felt as if it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I was oblivious of knowing that in reality it was the start of something more, something that never came simple to love at first sight. It took time, effort, and courage, not to mention I hadn't even come close to what we would become in the future.
I like think of myself as I wise person when it comes to the will of my experiences. So believe me when I say that true love never comes easy.
True love always builds and binds with complexity..
