The Rogue

VIII

*Rian*

This was perhaps the earliest I'd ever woken in my life. Although I'd forced myself to stay in the bed for nearly ten hours, I hardly got two hours of sleep. Now I understood what stress-induced insomnia meant.

The Alpha house was cold and dark, even in spite of the mid-morning sun rays trying to fight their way through the curtains. I navigated the wood-paneled halls to the kitchen without turning on a single light. The darkness was welcomed due to the reclusive state I felt myself in. To my gratitude, there were bagels and eggs in the fridge. My mother must have thought to leave food for me. She was always considerate like that.

After devouring four eggs and two bagels, I returned to the master suite to get dressed. I felt like an imposter here, in Rosco's home. The feeling would probably go away with time. Or maybe it wouldn't. Maybe I would never be able to look at my bed without thinking of the silver wolf as he lay there, crumpled from pain and the incoming tide of death.

At least the bathroom could distract me. I took a much needed shower, spending extra time scrubbing the previous days' torments from my skin. Faye would have been horrified to see the state I was in. Unshaven, smelly, and plagued by dark, purple bags under my eyes. More than anything I wished she was here to scold me.

While I brushed my teeth, shaved off the stubble, and combed my hair, I thought about all the things we would do when she returned. The rest of the world would be put on hold as I pulled in her into my bed, likely against her adamant protests, and snuggled her until near death. Then we would eat, anything and everything she wanted. I would hand feed her strawberries or something romantic like that, which would probably make her squirm. I would lead her into the woods for a leisurely stroll and surprise her without a "makeout session", as she so dreadfully referred to them.

I just missed her so much.

The look in her eyes when she caught me already staring. The smell of her skin after she'd just showered. The feel of her hair sliding between my fingers. The sound of her heart throb when we touched.

All of it. I missed all of it.

Sighing, I moved back into the bedroom and plucked a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. A walk would be good to clear my head. Except I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. They only left me to think of all the unsolved problems on my plate and the crater in my chest.

My mother and a few other women were walking with the few children we had towards the forest. They were probably going on a field trip. I remembered the days of homeschooling. In a wolf pack, they don't last long. Once we hit puberty and start to shift, schooling becomes an old pastime.

I jogged to catch up with them, but they all stopped anyway when they heard my approach. My mother looked pleased to see me, which was surprising because I knew what I looked like.

"Rian, hey," she greeted warmly.

"Hey, everyone." I squeezed her shoulder and smiled at the three kids in tow.

They were all staring at me through wide eyes. Olivia, Jackson, and Brenault, if I remembered correctly. Jackson was the youngest, at nine, and Brenault was the oldest, at thirteen. He would be turning soon. Anytime now.

"Biology field trip?" I asked.

"Yep!" one of the other mothers replied. "We're going to look for insects and different plant classifications."

"Sounds exciting."

The kids continued to stare at me and the women seemed unsure of how to further the conversation. When had I become such a source of discomfort?

"You know what Mother told us?" Jackson piped, dark eyes shining brightly at me in the sun.

"What?" I said.

"She said that you're the youngest Alpha our pack has ever had!"

I glanced up at his mother, who offered a small smile. "Well, your mother is right, Jackson."

"So, you're super awesome," he concluded.

"Well..." Smiling, I bent down to be eye level with him. "Fate is funny. Sometimes it does things that we don't expect. Sometimes it does things that don't make sense."

My mother cleared her throat, so I scrambled for something more positive to add.

"So," I continued, "the moral of the story is that when life hands you lemons—"

"You make lemonade!" Jackson shrieked, bursting into a fit of laughter.

We all laughed, too.

"Well, I guess I should let you all get to it then." I took a step back and tucked my hands behind my back. Before they all turned away, I decided to add one more thing. "Hey, Brenault?"

The teenager turned to me, surprised.

"When you reach that point," I told him, "come see me, okay? I have something to help with your first transition."

"Really?" He brightened.

"Totally. The first time sucks and I wish I would've had a sibling to help me through it."

Nodding, his dark locks fell into his eyes. He reminded me a lot of my younger self. "Okay. Cool, thanks."

"Yeah. See ya." I waved at the small group and began turning away. Not, however, in time to miss the proud beam on my mother's face.

Although there were things I should be attending to, like our pack's real estate agency or our taxes or my plans to murder Faye's father, I found myself at Titus and Sarah's door. I rapped on the wood door and sighed, wondering what state I would find my friend today. This would be my first visit since Maxen's healer showed up. He better be making progress.

The door peeled back and there stood a man with messy black hair, dark eyes, shirtless, and a smirk on his face.

"Titus?" I gaped.

"Wassup, man," he replied with a cool nod. "I was wondering when the new Alpha was gonna come visit me."