Black Rose (Rose Kisses #1)

24

Isaline Winter

I watched Lucien sleep for a few moments before I finally left him in the greenhouse, blissfully unaware of the chaos that was boiling over inside of me. There were things in this world that I had grown to realize that I just wouldn't be able to have and Lucien was one of those things. We were from two very different worlds and while his was still bright and hopeful, my future had long since been shadowed by the darkness.

There was never going to be any hope for people like me. For things like me.

My feet had led me back to my room before I even realized it. I shoved the door open and walked inside robotically, carrying myself all the way to the bathroom as I stripped down to my skin along the way. I didn't bother to turn on the lights because I knew that I wouldn't like the person I saw in the mirror so I showered in pitch-black silence.

Scalding hot water beat down mercilessly onto my defenseless skin as I set the water settings to the highest temperature. It only took a few seconds for the entire room to fill with steam and soon, I was dripping wet from both the sweat and the water. I reached for the loofah and began scrubbing viciously at my skin. I didn't know what I was trying to cleanse myself of but I felt dirty. The weight of the filth felt like it was weighing down on me physically and I needed to be cleaned. I needed to be pure.

Minutes had passed and I was still scrubbing at my body like a crazed animal. The skin on my arms had been rubbed to the point of breakage and I couldn't reach the entirety of my back which caused me to scream in frustration as I tossed the loofah away from me. I tried to reach the area with my hands but my fingers could only go so far. Everything was always so fucking far.

"Fuck!" I screamed, pounding at the shower wall. The tile cracked and splintered away beneath my fists but I kept pounding away until I reached the concrete beneath it. And then I reached for the shower head, ripping it clean out of the wall. Water as hot as Hell sprayed from the ruptured pipe, spraying me directly in my face. I hadn't been prepared for the heat or the blow and flew backwards, screaming in pain this time rather than anger.

I couldn't see out of my right eye and everything burned. My skin burned. My face burned. Everything was burning and I wanted it all to stop. I just wanted everything to stop.

Reaching out blindly, I felt my way around until I found the bathroom sink and turned the water on carefully. I rinsed the burned area of my face with cold water as best as possible but the damage had already been done. As if the scarring hadn't already been bad enough, I was now sporting third degrees burns to accessorize the monstrosity that dominated the right side of my face.

Against my wishes, I caught my reflection in the mirror and felt my stomach turn in disgust and without thinking, I lashed out again. The room was filled with the shattering of glass and the heartbreaking symphony of my guttural sobbing as I unleashed every last ounce of anger and sadness and pain that I had kept bottled up inside of me for so long. I tore up the curtains and ripped the wallpaper off in sheets. Windows were broken and bed frames were sprinkled around like confetti, but nothing eased my inner turmoil.

I was still hurting and I was still trying to lie about it.

"Isaline!"

Warm and sturdy arms wrapped themselves firmly around my still naked and shaking frame as I screamed and thrashed like a misbehaved toddler. I kept screaming until I tasted blood in my throat and then I kept screaming until my voice went dead. Then I fell to the floor, wrapped up in Amina's arms as she cooed soft words of reassurance into my ears. I could feel her shaking with me—maybe even more than me—but she held onto me like her life depended on it when in reality, it was my life on the line.

"You're okay," she chanted over and over again like a prayer. The words made me cry harder because I was anything but okay and anyone could see that. I was so beyond the point of being "okay" that I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to find my way back. But Amina kept chanting the phrase like it'd be my salvation and in that moment, that utterly hopeless moment, I allowed myself to believe her. I allowed myself to believe her because what would I be without her? What would I be without her hope?

"I'm sorry," I whispered hoarsely as I clung to her like a child. I was a mess all over again as I apologized to her. I didn't even know what I was apologizing for at this point, but it felt like the right thing to do in the moment.

Amina shook her head and held me close, burying her face in my hair as she cried along with me. From the day I met her, I'd always tried to shield her from my problems. I didn't let her see me cry until the first time that Aida beat me to near death and even then, I'd tried my hardest to remain strong in front of her.

But Amina, my sweet Amina, had taken on my pain as if it were her own. She'd cried with me that night as she stitched up and put me back together. She'd whispered the same thing to me as I was pulled between life and death. I'd never believed that I was okay before her. I'd never believed that I would be okay until her.

"You're okay," she whispered. "You're always going to be okay."

**********

Underwater by HANA

With love,
Laleh