"home"ophobic // namjin

"mommy"

dear whoever-finds-this,

you watched her, you never tried to stop her. hell, you even joined in once.

i'm still a fucking human, under all your sex-driven insanity, i know you're one too.

i suffered, but i won't anymore. here i am, writing my suicide letter. i'm 16 for fucks sake! i dont think i'll use it now, but i'll need it later.

so heres my story:

im quite feminine, gorgeous as well, and very likeable. i have many friends, who treat me well. but i also have you. you who hurts me, rapes me. in most situations the dad rapes the chid, but no. mom, you rape me. you beat me. you almost killed dad once, that one night you were drunk. guess old habits die hard. i am- was so willing to do that if it kept you away from my siblings. i never want them to get hurt.

i can live with what you do to me... but it's hard knowing why. im gay. i like dick. you know what you told me? you said you could make me straight the more you did it. well guess fucking what? im in love with my bestfriend. i fucking love a boy. why do you still try?

but i'm just his friend. he comes to me for relationship advice, maybe a movie here or there. but it hurts. it hurts knowing i cant tell any of my friends. i cut myself every night. i attempted suicide one day when no one was home.

but i'll act fine. no one could ever imagine me sad. i have to take care of them. of kookie and tae. i have to stop fights between jimin and yoongi (who are hella gay for eachother). i have to help j-horse get a girlfriend. i have to be the mom i never had.

after im gone, just promise to leave jiyung alone. i love him. i wish he wasn't stuck with you.

so thank you mom. this house sure is "home"ophobic.

i love you namjoon

love, jin

...............................................

I put my pen down and arched my back, hearing the satisfying pop. Everything I just wrote was true. But for now, I need to keep it hidden. Just like my feelings. It's around 12 now. perfect.

I walked out of my room, trying to stay quiet. The kitchen a.k.a my goal, was down the stairs a.k.a the creakiest part of the house.

I tested each floorboard as I walked. Well, most of them. Except that one. That obnoxiously loud one.

"Jin?" I yelped, the voice wasn't the feminine one I had been expecting. In the process I somehow managed to trip and fall on my ass. I groaned.

"Not gonna lie, that was kinda hot." I rolled my eyes.

"Fuck off, Namjoon." I scowled as he pulled me up. My stomach fluttered, but I quickly fought down the butterflies.

"Can we go to your room or something. I-I need your help." I nodded and carefully trodded back the way I came.

Namjoon plopped down on my fluffy pink bed, quiet loudly if I may complain.

"She broke up with me." He whispered, his purple hair falling into his face in the process.

I forced a pout, but on the inside I was super happy. His ex used to bully me. She would degrade me and punch me. Apparently I was 'to close' to Namjoon. What. Ever.

"She never deserved yo-"

"Jin baby, it's 1. You know what that means?" My mom called from the hallway. Of course I knew. The door opened slightly and then all the way. Namjoon squinted his eyes against the light of the hallway.

"You should leave." I told Namjoon, who looked at me in confusion.

"Why?" Because it's raping time.

"Family business." I forced a smile, but he got the hint. It was at that moment I remembered the note. I ran over to my bed and grabbed my notebook, throwing it in the nearest trashcan. The front door shut, and my door followed suit.

"P-please don't, mom." She just smirked and came closer, slowly stripping.

"I can't take the torture anymore!" I grabbed my head in my hands and tried to block out her laughter.

I wish I would've known that Namjoon never left, but how could I?

He heard everything, all my suffering, all the pain that never turned into pleasure. just torture.

You can guess what happened that morning.

And the next.

I retrieved my letter.

And now I have to go to school tomorrow, and be Jin.

Jin who gets good grades, and always takes care of his friends.

Not Seokjin.

who gets raped by his mom....and eventually abused by his dad.