School was almost all hell. Most people don't notice me but when they do I go into a frenzy. Idk I guess it's instincts. Don't befriend people but don't make enemies. So practically go unnoticed. I only have two best friends and I thank god for them everyday because honestly no cliche I wouldn't be here without them. I've been liking this guy for quite a while we are going to this small Italian place by the school after eighth period. But I'm not really sure if I want a relationship he's nice to me but who knows he might be nice to all girls. He acts strange around me almost gentle like he knows me really. Or something else. He's kinda cocky but also insecure. But I know he won't be able to deal with me.
My mind.
I don't even know why I even agreed to hang out.
I step into the small Italian joint my anxiety picking up as I spot him in a booth in a secluded area. I cautiously walk over there trying not to trip and make a fool of myself. His eyes land on me and he smiles. Mostly in his eyes his lips were only faint. I sit on the right side of the booth smiling at him. I wish I could be with him ,I think, but push the thought out of my head. There's no possible way. We've known each other for a few weeks now.
"How was your day" he starts casual conversation. I say it was pretty good lying.
If my other best friend his cousin found me out with him she would have my head on a stick my self conscience says. He stares at me for a second then looks down. I feel a heavy weight on him like he wants to say something but can't.
"I know." Is all he says.
I get scared of all the different possibilities of what he might say next.
"About what happened to you." He says looking me in the eyes. My appetite drops before my lasagna even arrives. My hand shake under the table.
"What are u talking about." I simply say trying to keep my voice steady but failing miserably.
"Them." He looks at me again then down at the bread in the basket. He looks stricken his eyebrows furrowed.
"How." I whisper out feeling defeated but also scared. What if they find out someone knows?
"What kind of things did they do to you." He calls me directly. My knee jolts under the table accidentally hitting the bottom of the table making me swear. Reflexes.
"I don't want to talk about it please." Please I happen to say that allot.
His eyes silently beg me.
"Okay but you'll have to tell me sometime." He says.
No.
I don't really remember I've barred it down so deep I will have to go through so much just to find it and then what, when I find it what happens. I go back to square one? Is that what I really want?
