The Stars Lie {Myrnin, Morganville Vampires}

A Damaged Goodbye

Chapter 10—A Damaged Goodbye

Myrnin

I heard her call my name, and for a moment I was overjoyed to see her. My joy was cut short and then crushed into a million pieces, when I smelled her.

I knew.

I knew what she was going to tell me, and I wasn't sure how I would respond. She was walking into the most dangerous side of me, and she had no idea.

"Myrnin?" She called again tentatively.

"Claire," I said flatly, void of emotion. I couldn't allow myself to feel anything right now. I didn't trust my actions. I knew what I was capable of. Then I saw her and thought I was going to go mad right then and there. She was dressed provocatively in a green mini skirt and black blouse that framed her figure amazingly. She fidgeted, clearly embarrassed as I stared at her.

I couldn't take this anymore and made a sudden decision. If she wanted time away from me, I would give her an eternity of it. My anger flared and flexed as though it were a tangible skin around me, suffocating me. I drew in a sharp breath, and saw her eyes go wide as she read my countenance. She knew me better than anyone, and I could tell she had no idea what to make of me right now.

Claire reached out to try to calm me and I growled at her, literally. I couldn't help myself. Her eyes were huge as she asked, "Myrnin, are you okay...What is wrong...?"

She was scared.

Good.

I turned my back on her and snapped, "I'm fine! You just interrupted my packing." Now I had to find something to pack and something to put it in. I flew from one side of the lab to the other, gathering what little trinkets I cared to take with me. By the time I shut the bag, I couldn't remember a thing I put in it.

"Where are you going?" She whispered, her face looked stricken and I hated that she genuinely cared for me – just not enough.

"I haven't decided, but the world is available to me now with the time portals, so we'll see what adventures I can find. It's been so long since I've been free of Morganville...I think I will enjoy a change of scenery." I let the innuendo hang in the air.

I could tell Claire was trying to put the pieces together in her mind, searching for a reason for my anger – because she hadn't even told me her news. Little girl, she has NO idea what I am truly capable of knowing and convincing others to do without even having to speak. I couldn't do that to her though. I couldn't force my will on her – I wanted it to be REAL, not some mind game I was playing with myself.

"But...but what about Amelie?"

"Ha!" I laughed manically. "She has no control over me; she never did."

"When...are you...coming back?"

If I didn't have vampire hearing, I never would have heard the end of her question, she let her voice trail off into nothing. I wondered if she meant to speak it out loud. I answered her honestly, "I have no idea. Given the way these portals work, the jumps can erase memories. I may not remember Morganville at ALL...that might be a nice change. Anwyn clearly suffered from memory gaps and the research I found, all pointed to the time portals as the explanation."

Claire was so stunned by my behavior, she asked me a question I could tell that she hadn't planned to and, then regretted: "Are you going with Anwyn?"

"NO...I do not NEED a female! I am quite capable on my own!" I roared.

Now she understood.

"Is that what this is about?" I could see she was starting to hyperventilate a bit and that confused me. "I...I'm sorry...I hurt you." Tears spilled over her cheeks and I didn't know if I could force myself to finish this.

My voice lowered to the one I use when I have deadly intent, "You did not hurt me. I can smell his scent on your skin – I know what you did last night – and it disgusts me," I spat.

Claire recoiled as if I had hit her. I hated myself for hurting her, but I couldn't stop. I had to cut whatever this was between us once and for all. It was hurting her – but it was killing me. I didn't know how much longer I could repress the rage I felt every time I saw him, and Claire would never forgive me if I killed him. I loved her too much to destroy her in that way;,no matter how much it cut me to the bone to watch them together.

OH...now she smelled of tears and sorrow...and I was crushed, dying inside (as if that were even possible), purposefully killing every part of me that cared – about anything. Claire was right, Amelie would hate me for not facing her, but she knew me well enough not to be surprised.

"I think it's time you left, Claire. I have some things I need to finish before I leave."

"You are going... now?" Her voice hitched at the end, and I knew I couldn't take any more.

The pain of finally losing her – of never seeing her again – was beginning to overwhelm my senses and I couldn't hold it together for a second longer. My face fell and I tried to turn before she could see the devastation and despair that I was feeling. It wouldn't help either of us, for her to know the true depth of affection I felt for her.

"Goodbye, Claire."

I heard her run out the door behind me and dropped to my knees from the excruciating pain, holding my head in my hands. I wasn't sure how long I sat there, not moving, with tears come down my face, but I needed to pull myself together and figure out where I was really going. Anwyn couldn't hurt me anymore and she knew the science behind the time portals better than anyone. Maybe I should take her up on her offer. At the very least she would be a helpful distraction. She said all I had to do was open the portal, and think of her, as I went through – easy enough.

I brought the portal to fruition and stared in fascination as the images began to flutter and move. I closed my eyes, thought of Anwyn, and stepped through.