porch ; sinrin (√)

Found

i sighed in disappointment with myself.

it was irrational, but i was really done with holding back.

i searched for the sharpest item and saw the edge of a tv screen (i dont actually know if they have one)

i slowly carved onto my arm 'us × porch'

it actually took a long time to write that properly, and it hurt. i was prepared for that when i started doing it though.

there was a meaning, but that's for the end of the story.

i was content but not at the same time. at least i had a satisfied feeling in my stomach.

i cleaned up my mess and left the practice room making sure i locked the door behind me

as soon as i left in baggy clothes to hide me, i was hit with a wave of heat...great.

i rushed off in the unbearable heat to my favorite place that actually had air conditioning, the library.

i wasn't mad at you but mad at myself. i thought i regret it but i really don't.

when i reached the library i grabbed a random book and plopped down on a chair to seem like i was busy.

i shut my eyes tight, i was so worn out from the cutting and our accident. it was some mental effect it had on me whenever i imagined blood pooling out of my skin, it brought out a cold and tired feeling. i thought i'd just sleep it off and wake up fine.

but next thing i find is an annoying shake.

'get away prick!' my first instinct was to yell that. in a library of all places.

but even then, the shaking continued.

'i will choke you to death' i threatened.

to my surprise the shaking stopped-

only to continue after a second.

'okay really you better fuc-' it was you.

your eyes were piercing me showing your anger. how many years will i have to pay for you to forgive me?

'-king stop or i'll kill you, yeah sure try' you finished for me and looked at me as if i was more pathetic than ever, and i was.

i didn't even want to try to talk to you, not right now, not ever.

even though it was my fault, i had no words for you. you were the one that left first, i'd only copy by running away from the main issue too.

i left my books on the desk and picked up my actual belongings. i made sure no one was staring and stood up.

my sudden action surprised you as if i finally was entertaining. it made me feel like a jester who didn't even get paid.

i pivot turned and dashed out of the library with you trying to catch up.

eventually i ran out of stamina and your hands grabbed my shoulders. you always had a strong grip, it hurt.

'what do you want?' i panted out. i was already mad at myself for being weak.

'an apology' your blank face twisted up into a smile.

it looked like one of your pretty natural smiles,

but it was a smile of hatred.

----
kms my english
yay school less updates

sorry for not updating my 2yeon, im just trying to get off my frustration for lack of sinrin and more yeju
im not saying im against yeju but
just craving angst and trying to sort out school life to finally get a happy inspiration other than always angst inspiration
especially with all the kids at my school going emo, it'll take a while
please bear with me

thanks for reading and voting!
- 신 아라