Sorrowful Goodbyes

Part 2

I made my way though the school entrance hugging my books to my chest, keeping my head down making my way to my locker. I rushed passed a few people; almost everyone was looking at me and whispering about what had happened. I open my locker grabbing my other books quickly, wanting to get away from the whispers and stares as fast as possible. Slamming my locker closed and keeping my head down; I didn't want anyone to see my face, I didn't want anyone to see how bad I was actually doing. I start walking to my first class for the day.

Since my head was down I didn't notice Steven standing right in front of me as I bumped into him knocking all my books on the floor, as I was rushing to get to class to escape everyone that was lazing around in the hallway. For most students this was how they relaxed before classes started, they got to hang out and chat with their friends wishing they didn't have to go to school, wishing they were done with it already. This is why the class room was my safe haven; no one came into the class rooms early.

I look over at Steven as he helps me pick up my books, his sandy blonde hair was shinning in the light, his chocolate brown eyes were down cast on the books making sure he had got them all. Steven was attractive, in fact most of the girls at school wanted him to be their boyfriend; and I don't blame them. Steven isn't only attractive but he's also the sweetest person you could ever meet and knew how to treat women properly however, Steven was just one of my closest friends; he was like the older brother I had never wanted, but loved anyways because he took care of me.

"I'm so sorry Amanda I didn't mean to bump into you like that" he said while standing up to hand me the rest of my books that he had picked up.

"It's fine; it's not your fault I was rushing to my class and didn't see you standing there" I say looking down at my books then back up at him. He looks down at me, with a hesitant expression.

"So how have you been?" I held in the sigh that wanted to escape my lips. I knew what he was actually hinting about asking me about without actually saying it. He wanted to know how I was handling the lose; I knew he was concerned for me, but I didn't really want to talk about it.

"Fine" I said putting on my best fake smile, even though I knew he could see right through it. He hugged me, telling me he'd come over after school before he turned and walked away heading off to first period.

Thanks Steven I had made it to class late, but it was ok I normally don't pay much attention to the teachers anyways, my mind was filled with much more important thoughts; I was in my own world. I looked out at all the desk in the class filled with students till my eyes landed on the only empty one. I stared at it hard trying to keep myself composed but it was too late, I couldn't hear the teacher anymore or any of the students talking, they all sounded so far away. I felt the overwhelming emotions flowing through my body, as I gripped the desk tightly my eyes still fixated on the empty desk. I start to see it unfold again right before my eyes again I felt the pain, fear, lose it was all too much to take.

I stood up quickly, my chair falling backwards hitting the floor, everyone turned to look at me the teacher had stopped talking and had a concerned look on her face as she started to walk towards me slowly; before she could get close enough I ran out of the room and down the hallway to one of the janitors closets.

I opened the door then slammed it shut falling to my knees on the floor my hands still clenched around the doorknob. I continued to cry, trying to contain the sobs that had started out in class; taking my hands off the doorknob and bring them to my lips to muffle my cries. I back myself into the far corner of the janitors closet trying to escape the flash backs but they keep coming. I finally give in accepting them, I knew couldn't escape them anyways; they always haunt my mind. Thinking deeper and deeper letting the memories consume me.

I blacked out.

I hear a familiar voice call out my name as I turn to look I see him walking towards me smiling, and his eyes shining brightly.

I was so happy to see him, I started running towards him but it seemed like he was getting farther and farther away; then everything went black and soon I was somewhere else.

I was on the beach watching the sunset but I wasn't alone, as I felt arms wrapped around my waist. I look up and see him smiling down at me, I smile back happy knowing he was here with me as I turn my attention back to the sunset. I feel him place a soft kiss on my cheek as the sun disappears below the horizon. We slowly pack up the checkered blanket and the picnic basket placing them in the trunk, we hurry to get into his car are leave because we both had some studying to do for a big test tomorrow. On the way home we sing along to music playing on the radio well smiling and laughing at one another; the world feels peaceful.

That's when it happens.

I see the bright head lights first through his window, everything feels like it is happening in slow motion; Alex dropped his smile when he noticed the look on my face and follows my eye sight. The panic and the fear raced through my body, I didn't know what was going to happen; I felt a scream rise up and out of my mouth my hand gripping Alex's tight. Alex looks over at me and mouths "I love you" while squeezing my hand back; he desperately grabs the wheel trying to turn the car so we don't get hit the badly, but it was already too late, he looks at me and smiles.

Then everything goes black.

I wake up in a hospital a few days later, once I was awake they couldn't clam me down I demanded to know what had happened to Alex and if he was ok after hearing what had happened. Once they told me that Alex has passed away upon impact, I broke.

Everything around me shattered, I knew I'd never be the same.

I open my eyes. I was awoken by the sound of the bell. I pull myself off the floor and check the time on my watch 3:30pm. I was out all day; I let out a bitter laugh. I get up and open the door keeping my head down; I didn't want anyone to see my red and puffy eyes. I slowly make my way out of the school to start walking home.

When I get home, I walk in to see my mother in the living room watching TV. I walk over to her and tell her that I don't think I'm ready to go back to school just yet. She just nods at me in understanding but I could see the look in her eyes, she pitied me, it was never the same after Alex passed away. I walk to my room closing the door behind me.