The Good, The Bad, and Everything Between

Chapter 3- Back to What I Love.

The mall parking lot was crammed but that is to be expected on a Saturday afternoon. Teens walking carelessly around the cars and mothers grabbing young children from running in front of a moving car. Sometimes I hate this place but today, my body is on mission mode.

I find a parking spot on the west side of the large building and quickly get out. Again, in determined strides I file my way into the mall, clicking the lock button to my car on the way. I get through the sliding glass doors and begin my journey.

The first stop is Hot Topic. I have to get band t-shirts. For the past two years I've been wearing solid, stripped, knitted,or fleeced shirts that are plain. I genuinely hated it but I wasn't allowed to dress how I use to before I moved, but now, I can. Dad isn't here and mom has barely looked at me so I'm sure she won't notice. It not like I have anything to lose anyway.

Being as small as I am can be great but just because I'm short and petite does not mean I can wear women's small shirts. I have a large chest and most small shirts will fit my waist perfectly but not with my boobs. That is one thing I don't like about Hot Topic band shirts, I have to shop in the men's section. A men's small or medium usually fits perfectly. Grabbing a netted shopping bag I get to work.

First I spot some older rock band shirts. Kiss, Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, AC/DC, Boston, Queen and Blue Öyster Cult are automatically in my bag. Next I see some Arctic Monkeys, 21-Pilots, Gorillaz, Nirvana, We Came As Romans, Falling in Reverse, Escape The Fate, Bring Me The Horizon, Halestorm, Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco and My Chemical Romance. Of course all of those have to me mine so I find as many in medium as I could and smalls when there weren't any mediums.

I then spot some Pokèmon and Deadpool shirts. I have to have sleep/lounge wear right?? I get XL in both and finally get to the pants. The Hot Topic in my town is kind of large so they have a great selection of ripped, frayed, stained and chained jeans. Almost all are black, red, purple or dark blue.

The first pair that caught my eye is this amazing pair of black skinny jeans that have stained dark red spots all over it. There are large rips on the thighs, knees and some smaller ones on the shin area and are perfect.

Next I see some dark blue and black tie dye shorts. Those are perfect to wear with fishnet stockings so I grab a blue and a purple pair. I grab some plain black, and deep red skinny jeans that have some studs on the pocket hem and a chain from center front to center back that drapes at your side.

Finally I see two skirts that I like. Both coming about 5 inches above my knees. One looked like velvet fabric in plum purple and sways easily. The other was cotton and red plaid that fit more like a pencil skirt. I picked up some black suspenders too. Skirts like these always look good with suspenders.

The last thing I get in Hot Topic are accessories. Some choker necklaces, along with studded bracelets and earrings, three fishnet stockings, and a few knee high socks. Checking out was quite sickening. By the end of that store I spent over a grand and still needed some new shoes.

Shoes were not hard to come by. I just had to go by the Harley Davidson accessory store. I got a pair of leather bicker boots, some combat boots and a new leather jacket. Walking through the mall I came across something amazing. The only place covered in pink that was honestly worth it, Victoria's Secret. I hadn't had a sexy piece of underwear in almost three years so I booked it into that store.

With my three pink bags filled with four new bras and way too many panties, I headed back to the car. I had one last stop and to be honest, I was dreading it.

I needed hair dye. That's the only reason to ever come to this place. I hate WalMart with a passion but I need my natural hair color back. I missed it desperately. I grabbed two boxes of dye and hastily payed so I could leave. My car was packed with everything I bought and I only went to three stores! Still, after spending around $1900 dollars, I was excited and happy.

I hate spending money but this is so going to be worth it, besides, my family is quite wealthy and I have only done this once before and don't plan on doing it again. The last time wasn't even my choice so my parents kind of owe me. It was that change in clothes and hair that made me start getting rid of who I really am.

I got home late. Around ten in the evening and by then my mother was already asleep. Or maybe she hasn't woken up today at all. I bitterly tell myself. Probably true but still not good.

After fighting with my bags; trying to get them through the door, I get to work putting everything away. Stripping everything out of my closet and bagging it up in trash bags was easy. Five large black trash bags filled with pastel shirts, blue jeans, fluffy sweaters, and boring underwear. With my old wardrobe gone and out of sight; I turn to the bags from today's trip.

After my new shirts and pants were hanging in my walk in closet, my skirts and undies in the dresser, my shoes on my shoe rack and my accessories on my vanity I stop. I breathe for a minute and just cycle through my thoughts.

Finally, I grab a pair of scissors and walk into my bathroom and just stare at the preppy brunette in the mirror. Racing thoughts are all I can hear and the stranger in front of me is all I can see. I hate this person I've been pretending to be. It's time for change.