13 reasons why ; conler

; tape 2

i opened my weary eyes to the sun beaming in my window and birds chirping outside. i reached my hand out, forgetting connor wouldn't be there. the longer i layed in bed, the more i remembered from the day before. 

i stumbled into the kitchen, only to see the box of tapes and a note.

"hm, that's weird" i thought as i unfolded the tiny piece of paper

hey ty,

i ran by last night to get some clothes. i saw you laying in bed, and felt the urge to just climb in and hold you, to pretend nothing happened. i knew that would make you more upset though, so i didn't.

please text or call me when you're ready. i miss you and love you more than anything.

xoxo, con

"god, what an asshole. i told him not to come back" i mumbled to myself.

i remembered we had a tape player in our room, so i took out the second tape and went in there.

i took a deep breath, pushed in the tape, and pressed play.

"hey ty, i'm glad you decided to continue listening. i promise it's worth it."

"one of my favourite things about you has always been how affectionate you are."

"i come home after a day of meetings, a tired, grumpy mess, but you are always still the sweetest. you always do everything you can to make me feel better."

"some days i'll come home and you'll be standing by the door, waiting for me, or you'll be in the kitchen brewing a cup of coffee to give me when i get home."

i thought to myself how he should be home for lunch soon, when i remembered he wouldn't be coming back.

"on hard days i like to think back to the beginning of our relationship, when we first moved in together. things were so simple, so beautiful. i still think our relationship is beautiful, more so now than before. but i think the longer this goes on it'll get harder and harder, and i hope we both can work through all the issues we encounter. for each other."

"dammit con" i think to myself.

"a day that sticks out to me was my first full work day after we moved in together. i had had a very stressful day of meetings, and came home frustrated and upset. but there you were, a ray of sunshine holding a cup of coffee in my favourite mug."

"hey babe! how was work today? i missed you!"  you said it with this huge excitement to see me, and when you leaned over to hand me the mug and give me a peck on the cheek i melted.

"stressful. i sat in a room with business people who only want money! while i want to please them, the fact that i make my viewers happy is so much more important to me. i don't care about the money at all."

"i'm sorry love, i understand. you can rant, just let it all out. i'm here."

and with that, i snapped. i broke down in tears, but instead of pitying me you held me until i was ok again. sitting there, wrapped in your arms, even though i was crying, was all i could ever ask for. i couldn't, and still can't, believe my luck that someone as incredible as you was in my life."

"instead of telling me it was ok or that it wasn't a big deal, you sat me up, wiped my tears, and told me that i could get through it. and that was all i could've asked for."

"so, there's the end of this tape. i hope you can choose to forgive me soon. i love you so dearly, matthew tyler oakley, my one and only soulmate, the only person i truly care about. have a good rest of your day or night."

at this point, there was no stopping the waterworks. i can't believe how much i miss him, even after what he did to me. 

as the day drew on, i was constantly expecting connor to walk through the door, until i remembered he wouldn't. and that it was my fault. i ate dinner on my own again that night, and then climbed straight in bed, which became a rarity since con and i usually would watch a movie until we fell asleep on the couch. maybe tomorrow he'll come back.