The Betas Alpha

Chapter 8

Carson^^

Carson's POV

He knows. Jay knows some of it, but it's a big part of everything. I mean he was bound to find out everything at one point. So why not make it now. I really wanted to make this...relationship work. We're mates and before that best friends and I wanted to keep it that way. If I lost him I don't know what I'd do.

"You're thinking too hard," Jay whispered in my ear causing me to shiver. His voice was husky from him sleeping which made it hotter. I nodded making him hum into my ear.

"What's on your mind mon amour?" He asked softly with that French nickname he'd started calling me. I didn't know what it meant, but I don't really care because it sounds heavenly rolling off of his tongue. My head dropped a bit before I buried it in the blanket next to me. Jay and I were spooning which wasn't a weird thing. The tingles I was getting from it was, however, a weird thing. Jay laughed a bit making me bury my head further into the blanket.

"You can talk to me, always." I understood that, but would he want to listen? Listen to the thoughts that run wild through my head daily. The things I think about doing to myself. All of the true words about myself that are horrible. Every depressing word uttered in my head. The questions constantly buzzing through my mind. The truths that only I know. The real reason I'm so happy about us being mates. After that would he look at me the same? Would he want to be around me? Would he want to be with me?

"Carson, calm down please." Jay's deep voice called from a distance. My breathing was picking up. I was turned onto my back as my breathing became shallow pants. Everything in the room started spinning; it was all making me dizzy. My eyes were focusing in and out of everything in the room. Nothing was clear anymore. Someone was calling for me but I couldn't hear it. Nothing was making sense anymore. It was getting hard for me to breath now; it felt like a ton of bricks was weighing down my chest. Tears were falling but I paid no mind. It was all too much; I couldn't focus, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think.

And then it all stopped.

Two lips were placed on mine.

Two hands were set in my hips.

Two eyes stared into mine.

It was just the two of us in this room. Everything else vanished into thin air. Nothing mattered except for us. We were the only people in the room and the only people who held any importance. This was us. This was our moment. And I wanted it to last forever.

Without my protest, my eyes slowly closed as I bathed in Jay's scent surrounding me. Hesitantly, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down closer. My mate's lips started moving on mine as I followed the movements. His lips on mine were soft, comforting, they were sweet. Our kiss was simply PG, nothing more, nothing less. It calmed me down.

Jay pulled away to rest his forehead against mine. We were both breathing deeply as we stared into each other's eyes. My arms were still wrapped around his neck and his were still on my hips. No words were exchanged for minutes. We were both just enjoying each other's warm body pressed against our own.

"You were having a panic attack," Jay whispered after what seemed like hours. I could hear the sadness in his voice. This wasn't the first time I've had a panic attack in front of him. This was the first one in months though, and I was hoping they were over. I nodded against his head making him sigh. He's mad at me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as tears gathered in my eyes. Wow, I'm such a baby. Jay's eyes quickly met mine as he stared at me in shock.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault." He growled lightly as he removed a hand from my hip to wipe the tears out of my eyes. We moved around so I was laying on his chest and his arms were wrapped around my waist. My eyes were becoming heavy as I listened to the calm, steady, breaths of Jay.