The Betas Alpha

Chapter 27

Carson's POV

When I woke up the next morning, my eyes were nearly glued shut from falling asleep directly after crying. Jay had me tucked under his chin and wrapped up in the shirt he was wearing and a couple of blankets. It was nice; even if I cried more last night that I had in a long time. It was just a lot of emotions all at once. I didn't know how to process it. No matter what I said, to him, it was all wrong.

And I was starting to believe that he was right.

"Why are you up so early?" Jay grunted as I tried moving out of his arms.

"I have to pee, let me go," He cracked an eye open to look at me before reluctantly letting me go. Rolling out of bed, I stretched before making my way towards the downstairs bathroom.

After I used the bathroom, I was stuck staring at myself on the bathroom mirror as memories of last night buzzed through my head. The marker was still inked on my skin.

"Absolutely everything about you is perfection and I want you to see that; to understand that," Jay whispered against the back of my neck.

"Your stretch marks simply show that you've grown into this absolutely gorgeous and caring individual that you are,"

It felt odd to be receiving so many compliments; all of them just as sincere as the first.

"I'm making waffles, you hungry?" Jay asked as I walked out of the bathroom. I nodded and jumped onto the counter as I watched him move around the kitchen with practiced movements from growing up here.

"Last night," I paused as Jay grabbed out the waffle iron before turning to me and motioning for me to continue, "I wanted to thank you for it. I-uh never really expected my mate to care that much and you do and I just am so thankful. I'm really trying to see what you see; it's just a process." Jay has paused making the waffle batter and turned to me with a blinding smile.

"That's the first time you called me your mate, but aside from that, you don't have to thank me for telling you the truth. I understand that you don't believe me, and I hate that, but at the same time, I will do everything to make you believe that." Jay's voice cracked as he turned back around to finish the batter.

I stayed sitting on the counter as I traced over the words written on my legs; I didn't have it in me to wash away the caring words. They felt like armor that could protect me from anyone and anything.

"I have some stuff I need to get done today, and I need to go monitor training," Jay said as he began pouring the batter into the waffle iron. I jumped off the counter and went to the fridge to grab out some fruit, which was pretty much one of the only things we had in there. Neither of us had had time lately to go grocery shopping, so we only had some random food we've picked up.

"Okay, I think I'm going to go down to the daycare and nursery after I unpack some more and order groceries,"

"What? You don't want to live off takeout, strawberries, and waffles?" Jay joked. I gave a slight chuckle as I cut up the fruit in comforting silence.

I don't want to pressure you and understand that it will all come on your own terms, but the best way to feel safe and connected to Jay will be to open up to him about your past. Issac's voice rang through my head, silencing the growing silence.

Logically, I knew he was right. Liz and I had discussed me opening up to Jay in small bits and pieces, but I just didn't want to bother him. He was always so busy lately.

At the same time, I could at least try.

"I've known I was gay since I was 13. I came out to my parents about a year and a half ago; my dad was fine with it, but my mom flipped. That's when I got the split eyebrow I said was from me falling at the soccer game." Everything came out in quick succession. I could feel the once comfortable silence shift into a stiff tension as Jay took in what I said.