An Intro

16 1 0

by haileyisblue

by haileyisblue

Now that you know about my husband and ex stripper boyfriend, I guess I should introduce myself. Hi, I'm Hailey. I'm 16, a forgetful guitarist and a quote unquote "artist." At least thats what my mom told the half deaf elderly woman at the dollar store while getting me a sketchbook. That's all you really need to know about me through this story, cause really, that's what everyone else remembers me for. That's also what any evidence of my marriage has been made of: Drawings. I've made Miles dozens of doodles and even detailed drawings of us and given him them as small, almost fearful gifts. To make it worse, I always do them in weird dumb scenarios I make up in my head, the most realistic and probable ones being the three sketches I drew of him drunk off his ass. He keeps them in his binder at school and kept one of the drunk ones at the very front. Thankfully, it's only gained attention from one of our friends who wouldn't think twice about seeing a drawing of Miles holding a coat rack affectionately thinking it's me while I videotape it behind him. Again, very probable. One promise that I can remember making to Miles as we get older is that any drunken mishap will be recorded and saved for future generations. My parents are proud of me, but honestly, I see myself as disappointing in a way. The fact that I'm trying to write a comedy book when the only time I can make people laugh is when I try to do literally anything in gym class is one of the reasons. In fact, by maybe the second or third chapter of this book, the look of disappointment on your face should have already melted off your face, plopped on the floor like my GPA and then dug to China.

Now that I'm done with me, I'll introduce Miles. He's about to be able to vote soon, smart, funny, and like a puppy. He's a little shit, but at the end of him being a little shit he gives you this innocent look that you can't resist and end up sighing and giving up cause you can't stay mad at him. Then he gives me candy so I won't leave him. I literally have five pounds of Rockets candies and a huge box of truffles in my room as a result of him refusing to let me divorce. He also used to live in an actually nice, non toxic part of Canada where the water comes in blue and is actually clean. And now he's in my city, stuck with me. Poor guy.

To add onto our lovely hero of the story here, he likes the color green, steak, and has killed me in every fandom we're a part of. I'll get to that later though. He also tried to feed me to an angry family of swans once. Maybe it was payback for laughing at him when he went to grab a sweater from his car and his mom had hid a tampon in it, though. It was worth it either way. This was long before we were married. In fact, we were both still kids, maybe 12 and 13 years old. Now, we're 16 and 18. I'll be 17 in July. Which by the way, he just figured out a year ago. I don't blame him though, I forget my birthday too. Literally, I'm not kidding.

To drag on this chapter so nobody gets pissed at how short it is, I'll tell you how we met. To give you a starting idea: I always meet people that I become close to in the weirdest of ways. In this case, I became best friends with Miles' younger cousin Kate, who was in the same grade as me. I was visiting her one weekend, and at that time, Kate and her mom were house hunting. Long story short, we were in the neighbourhood, Kate's mom dropped us off at her aunts house and thats how I met Miles. Abruptly and with no knowledge of anybody in the house. I still remember exactly what happened, where Miles was sitting, where I sat, and how oddly nervous I felt about sitting on his bed next to Kate. Were guests, or rather strangers, supposed to do that?

I was about 11 when this happened. And from there, I can't remember entirely how, but we became good friends. And now, the poor little shit can't get rid of me.

So for now there's your awkward, sudden, possibly illegal "love" story. At least it's still better than Twilight.