Reasons to Love Your Husband (and some other shit)

Reasons to Love Your Husband.

This will probably be the most confusing thing I've ever written by far considering everything in this book will probably trail back to an inside joke between me and my "husband." And since it's completely illegal in Canada to marry at the age of 15, I guess I'll start there. I was in tenth grade when I married my best friend Miles, and while many couples say that on their wedding day with an actual ring that didn't get lost in a pig heart during a lab dissection, we mean it literally. Contrary to popular belief and crossed fingers, we're not dating. Really, it was spontaneous. And not in the sappy, romantic kind of way cause fuck nows neither of us do that, it was more like a spontaneous combustion with few survivors.

This all started with Miles chatting about an experiment sort of thing that he was doing in his biology class with me at lunch. He's a year older than me, so that just means I'm safe from any catastrophes and I don't have to claim him if the principal asks "is this one yours?" Anyways, his assignment turned out to be test tube babies and me being me, I exclaimed, "oh my goodness Miles, we're naming him Johnnie!" Don't ask why I picked that name. Think of it as another small spontaneous combustion. Or like finding a frog in a garden as a kid and naming it Fred or George or some shit like that. Not too long after, me, Miles, and a few of my friends were hanging around the park next to the school at lunch. One of my friends yelled "hey, Hoe!" like she does with all of her friends and wrapped her arm around me, to which Miles replied "excuse you, that is my wife!"

And so, on May 12, 2016, I married my friend of 5 years announced through a Facebook status I was unaware he was making while sitting next to me at his house. And if you were wondering, yes, many people were confused. One of his grandparents actually thought it was real. I honest to God have no idea how his parents still like me.

At the point in time I'm writing this, I've been married almost a year to Miles now. Which was plenty of time for Miles to lose seven rings in the weirdest of ways, start a new religion, make me cry with fandom jokes at least once a day, and lose our Sim test tube baby child in space and for me to date a guy that turned out to be gay and was probably a secret stripper in between. If this sounds lie anything other than evidence, it sounds like a really long Youtuber story time title. I'm surprised that's not what it is. and trust me, I almost wish it were clickbait.

If you're still reading, I'm so sorry. It's either that, or you're one of my close friends laughing at my husband right now as you read on. this will be just as much much of an adventure for you as it will be for me, because as far as reasons to love my husband goes, I'm stumped. apparently Google wasn't though, so I guess that's really what this book will rely on. the internet, nothing heartfelt, and the weirdest highschool stories I could pull from the last three years.

Reasons to Love Your Husband. And some other shit.