My Broken Soul

The Beginning

       So you wanna know what this story is about huh? If you read the description and wanted to see how it all unravels continue on reading. If you haven't read the description I suggest you do so now because beware it will get detailed. Now lets get started.

   To understand what happened that night we have to start at the beginning. Along the way we will meet many people who will come in and out of the story, but there's one that will forever be etched into these pages. The one who raped me the night of December second 2015. 

       Now now, I know what you're thinking how can a girl be writing about her rape? Why hasn't she gone to the police if she hasn't already? Why make it such a public display? Well you see there's already more to this story than you could ever begin to imagine, but no worries I'll take you through it from my eyes. 

   So lets get started shall we? First things first my names Raven. I'm 19 years old turning 20 in June. I still live at home with my parents, who still don't know and probably will never know, I have one older brother and a younger brother and sister. Life's pretty great I guess you could say. I have a full time job and my own car, what more could a girl ask for? Oh wait I know to erase what happened that night. Too bad for me though its something that'll never be erased from my soul. 

    Like an ugly streak that tears into it spilling a dark sludge that consumes my mind driving me insane. I know I have ptsd, I just haven't gotten it diagnosed because I know that means telling someone what happened. Ironic right? The girl who's typing all about this is scared to tell someone, yet shes writing it for the world to see. Its kind of funny how irony works against us. But enough about me for now lets begin this story with an ex of mine named Jace. 

   Jace was a good guy, a nice guy, or at least I thought so. Me and him always got into arguments and were going at it, but it wasn't always like that in the beginning. At first we were happy there wasn't a thing that could separate us. I loved him and he loved me, but people change. He became distant to me, left me feeling unwanted and lonely even when held in his arms I couldn't shake that empty feeling. You know that one that crawls up from the bottom of your spine and finally settles between your shoulders. Nesting there feeding you thoughts of loneliness. Those oh so itchy thoughts that you just cant shake, causing you to become distant yourself as you second guess and wonder if its true love or not. 

     I mean he is the guy I lost my virginity to, so naturally I would hope I'd be with this guy forever. If you're old school like I am you like to think that the person you loose it to will be the one you stay with for the rest of your life. Jeez how naive I was about that. I couldn't be any more wrong in just that thought alone. Makes me laugh at myself a little, but I realized something very important from him. True love does exist, it may not be the best for you at the moment in life you're in, but it is out there. 

    You see me and Jace had a really strong spiritual and psychical connection. We knew what each other was feeling just by the slightest of touch, sometimes it was tangible enough in the air that we didn't have to touch hands to know what was going on with the other. Even that wasn't enough to save our relationship though sadly. It was in the month of November when Jace and I decided we weren't good for each other. Funny how we both knew we were toxic to one another and wanted to change it, yet neither of us really wanted to let go of the other. Instead Jace proposed the idea that I give him two months for him to get his life together so that we could start a new. But I was selfish I hated the idea of leaving him for so long of not being able to be with him not feel his touch the warmth he brang me.

       That's where my down fall ultimately came from was the unwillingness to let him go. There's little moments in life thag lead to even bigger more catastrophic events. I remember the little event that led to that giant one I just mentioned. It was a cold night I was at Jace's house, we well I should say I because let's face it. It was me who was trying to get us back together he didn't really seem to want to fix things. Should've been the big warning for me but it wasn't.