"The Road To 5/5." : Offering Free Services of Critiquing and Reviews

"Pouring Rain" by UnderratedGirlAuthor - Review Part 1

WP Name: UnderratedGirlAuthor

Title: Pouring Rain

Word Count (per chapter): 1.6k to 2.2k

Genres: Teen fiction, romance

Mature?: No

Chapter No.: Prologue, 1, and 2

LINK/DOCUMENT/PDF: https://www.wattpad.com/story/37300016-pouring-rain

Prologue: Concerns and Comments

Pace: Medyo namadali yung part na pinasok mo yung "Ulan. Pag-ibig. Rain. Love." In my opinion hindi mo siya nabigyan ng matibay na source. Like, what made the character think about love? Dahil ba sa pagtanaw niya sa bintana may nakita siyang couple? Something like that.

With this, na-include mo na rin ang thoughts ng character mo, which is essential and beautiful. Sa pagmumuni-muni ng character, napapaisip din ang reader.

Grammar and Spelling: I have major concerns about the punctuation. Minsan napapalitan mo ng period ang supposed to be question mark. Sa dialogue rin medyo nalilito ka sa punctuation. I may or may not have included this in The Ultimate Guide in Writing Filipino and English Stories, but I clearly said that you use a period after the dialogue if the following phrases or words indicate an action.

Ex.: "I will eat the apple." I walked nearer, trying to reach for the plate.

Meanwhile, if you're just indicating that the character simply said it with no coordinating action, you will use a comma.

Ex.: "I will eat the apple," said the girl.

Also, maliban sa punctuation, I observed na naco-confuse ka sa tenses. Try to improve and familiarize yourself with the tenses.

Lastly, sa slang mo. 'Pag pinasok mo ang isang slang katulad ng 'di, be sure to include an apostrophe.

Chapter One

Grammar and Spelling: First, medyo hindi mo nasusunod ang rule ng capitalization. Minsan hindi mo naca-capitalize ang mga letrang dapat i-capitalize and vice versa.

I observed din na napaghahalo mo ang you're at your. It's important to know the difference between them. Your indicates possession, while you're indicates a shortened you are. Pati na rin ang his at he's. Try to search for any of your commonly misused words and aralin mo.

Pace: Nagiging mabilis ang daloy ng pangyayari. Subukan mong magtuon ng pansin doon sa thoughts ni Reign. With that, mapapahaba mo pa ang story mo.

Characters: Nakukulangan ako sa description ni Reign. Hindi mo siya nabibigyan ng details. Ano ba itsura niya? Personality? Clumsy ba siya or timid? Kailangan yan ng audience para mai-visualize nila ang mga pangyayari.

Pareho na rink ay Mr. Nice Guy, in which his name is not yet revealed. Noong nangyayari yung "Umbrella scene", doon ka nagkulang. Huwag kang matakot humaba yung chapter mo. Dapat, kung ano ang talagang nangyari, huwag mong paiksiin. Huwag mong isipin na masyadong mahaba = masaydong boring. Okay nga yun eh, kasi nakakapag-isip pa yung mga readers.

Dialogue: The next time na magi-insert ka ng text conversation, highlight it or just simple separate them with the content. Nakakalito kasi na magkakadikit yung thoughts ni Reign, tapos biglang may papasok na text conversation na hindi mo nalalaman.

Formatting: Kapag magi-introduce ka ng panibagong scene, always include a line break. Pwedeng tatlong asterisks lang tapos i-center mo. Kapag wala kang line break, nakakalito sa mga readers kasi iisipin nila na masyadong mabilis yung pangyayari pero ang katotohanan, walang relevance yung dalawang scenes sa isa't isa pero magkadugtung sila. Siyempre, iisipin nila na magkadugtung na scenes yun. So, long story short, line breaks are important.

Chapter Two

Characters: Hinay-hinay lang sa paglalabas. Minsan, nakakalimutan mo na silang i-introduce. Kahit maliit na detalye lang, ipasok mo na after his/her dialogue.