The Love Game // z.m

Chapter Twenty Four - Home pt.II

The drive home was long. Too long. In all honesty, I can't wait to get home and see Milli; it's been too long. Everything seems too long at the moment. Life is one of many things that lasts too long.

We pull up infront of the adequately sized house. I'm guessing this is where I'm going to live now. This isn't home; Clarkson is my home. Clarkson has my friends. Clarkson has my boyfriend.

"KELLY!" I hear Milli scream.

I drop my bags and run to my little sister. "Mills, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." She mumbles.

"C'mon, skip the reunion and come and have some food." Dad says picking my bags up and carrying them into the house.

I walk into the kitchen and find someone at the cooker. Who is this?

"Excuse me, who are you?" I say walking to the island.

"I'm Kacie Bolton. Nice to meet you." The strange woman says holding her hand out for me to shake.

What. The. Fuck?

"Any relation to Troy Bolton?" I say trying to breathe.

"He's my brother and he told me to say 'Hi'. He's the coach at Clarkson isn't he?" Kacie chirps whilst cooking.

No.

This can't be happening. Why?

I run upstairs into the nearest room and slam the door. My fists clench hard and I want to scream. Instead I punch the pillow, not wanting to break my hand. That does no justice. I want to scream, cry and shout. I let the tears run down my cheeks. Why the fuck is this happeneing to me. I can't deal with it. I'm hyperventilating. I can't control my breathing, I feel like I'm going to die. 

"Kell, you okay?" I hear dad say from the other side of the door.

"Yes dad. I stubbed my toe and it kills." I say putting on a laugh. Luckily dad accepts my lie and walks downstairs.

I regain control of my breath and wipe my tears from my face. A shower is going to make me feel clean. Right?

I walk to the bathroom down the hall and remove my clothes. I stare in the mirror and think about how disgusting I look. I'm a whore. People don't like me for me. They like me for my body. For my boobs.

I'm a filthy whore.

I'm disgusting.

I hate myself.

Why can't I disappear?

I shake the thoughts from my head, although they still remain somewhere, and climb into the shower. I grab some shampoo and conditioner and clean my hair. I grab a loofah and scrub my body until I feel like I'm clean enough.

I spent an hour in the shower trying to clean myself. I still feel disgusting.

I dry myself off and put some underwear and some pyjamas on. I climb into my bed and pull the covers over my head.

"Kelly, dinner is done, please come downstairs." I head Kacie shout.

I climb back out of my bed and think about the stupid Bolton family. Bastards.

I slumber downstairs and take my place at the table. Oh, we're having pasta. I love pasta, only when it doesn't come from a nice person with a horrible name.

I dig into my pasta and finish it within seconds. I need to go to sleep. This has been a long day and I'm exhausted. I run upstairs ignoring the calls from my dad. I quickly jump under my covers and sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. 

***

I crawl out from under my covers, rubbing my eyes as I sit up. I sit in my bed for 5 minutes before actually making the effort to leave my bed. I walk downstairs and pour myself some tea. I grab some 'Cookie Crisp' and pour some milk in after the cereal. I walk back into my room, tea and cereal in my hands, and start watching RuPaul's Drag Race. I put season 5 on and indulge in my binge. Raven is my favourite out of the whole show, along with Ivy Winters and Jinkx Monsoon.l

I peck at my cereal and decide to leave it, not feeling my appetite today. I drink my tea and continue with the binge. 

I pull out my journal from inside my pillowcase. No one knows about this. This is where I write all my thoughts and feelings. It holds all my secrets and things that no one knows. I'd like to keep it like that. I have everything that has happened during the time I was in Bradford. Everthing. I have things from when I found out about Harry and Niall, the love game, meeting Zayn, falling in love and him.

Ugh, I wish he would fuck off.

I look at the last entry, March 16th. A date I will never forget. Thats the last time I wrote in this book. 

I read the shaky words that cause me so much pain. 

(Trigger Warning, please skip if you are uncomfortable with sexual assault)

March 16th 2017,

The past couple weeks have been catastrophic. Cataclysmic if you would. Everything that I was warned about happened. Everything. It all started with those pesky texts. The texts, they wern't from Zayn. He didn't have a new number. Harry told me so.

Harry and Niall warned me about what would happen. They warned me and yet I still went. It's my fault. I'm such a whore. I didn't want any of it. I wanted it to be over. Over and done with. 

It started at soccer practice. I tried out for the soccer team. I was the only girl that has tried out for a couple of years. Harry and Niall told me why. Coach Bolton was interested in one girl wh had tried out ages ago. Niall said that he became obsessed with her and that he tried to have sex with her. He was placed in rehab as he was an alcoholic. He didn't get any criminal record and he paid Mrs Addams so that he could work here again. Thinking about what he done to those girls gets me angry and upset. I want to meet her and see how she coped with what he had done to her. 

Coach wanted to talk to me about something and I decided I should go, not thinking anything of it. I walked in and he slamed the door shut. He even locked it. Although, I didn't think anything of it. Why didn't I?

He sat behind his desk and started talking about some noncence. He walked over to the blinds and shut them tight. He switched the camera off in the corner of the room. He closed the blinds on the door. We were shut in like lions in a cage, ready to attack. 

It was pitch black in the room,  I couldn't see anything but the sinister smirk on his terrifying face. He walked up behind me and moved my hair from my neck. He started kissing along my neck. I told him no. I told him I wanted to go. I tried to run for the door, but he pinned me down. I tried screaming for someone to help me, no one came. No one heard my screams as he did what he did. Thinking back to it makes my blood boil. Makes my skin burn. Makes me sore. 

He ripped my trousers down my shaking legs. I screamed for him to stop. He covered my mouth. He ripped my top from my aching torso. He ripped my underwear off. I ran to a corner, trying to cover as much of my body as I can. I am vulnerable, exposed, naked, weak, numb.

He grabbed rope and tied my hands together. He bent me over and that's when it happened. I focused on one part of the wall for the whole time that he did what he did. I called out for someone to help me but his hand covered my mouth. I cried for him to stop and let me go. I couldn't breathe, let alone make a sound. 

I focused on the patch of wall that had some writing on it. A quote that I am never going to forget.

"I came to win, I will do my best and regardless of the end result, I will always win."

It haunts me, yet it's the one thing I can never forget. I can never for get what he did. I can never forget that I am a whore. I can't forget that I asked for it. I can't forget his face as he slammed into me. I can't forget the sounds of his sickening moans as he did what he did. 

I can't forget that I was raped.