Alex...

Part One

Have you ever felt so worthless, that every night you lay awake thinking of the endless possibilities to end it all? Depression is so bad that you're just a walking and talking shell. Anxiety is keeping you up the entire night because you are over thinking.

My name is Alex. This is my story. I've been in and out of Foster Homes since I can remember. All I can remember from my biological parents is my mother saying, 'Mommy and daddy will be back soon. We love you Alex.' I was five and I never saw my parents again.

I guess you could say I was a normal kid up until the age of five. Loving parents. A stable home. But when I was taken away, I was never the same. I was often alone. No other kids would play with me. I sat alone while the other kids ate lunch.

Around the homes, I was known as the weird kid with one blue eye and one deep brown eye. But now, almost twelve years later, no one wants to take an almost seventeen year old gay boy. When I turn seventeen, I get to get out of the system and live on my own. But until then, I'm stuck in Foster Care.

I go to a public school and I still have no friends. People don't talk to me because I look different. It's a late Saturday night. I'm at a new Foster Home, it's the longest one I've ever been in, but it's also the worst. I get beat every day. Im starved. I have so many scars on my body, so many welts. They all hurt everyday and I'm reminded how big of a screw up I am.

Most of the scars on my body is from my own blade, on the nights where I felt like ending it all but didn't have the guts to do it. In the morning, my socail worker is coming to take me to a new foster home. I hope this new home is better than all my other ones. I've only been in three good foster homes out of the many others I've been in. Only three treated me good.

As I lay in bed, I stare up at my spinning ceiling fan trying to fall asleep. My backpack is ready for tomorrow. Since I do move from foster house to foster house, I'm only down to a small backpack with a bit of clothes. At around three in the morning, I finally fall asleep. I'm awake most of the night because of my insomnia. It sucks, I'm tired all the time and there's nothing i can do about it.

The next morning, around six thirty in the morning I stand outside my old foster home and wait for my social worker to get me. It's a bit cold outside, which is alright for an October morning. I shift just as a small silver Honda Civic pulls up in front of me. It's my social worker Stacy. I like Stacy, she always has my back and she's basically my mother.

"Are you ready to get out of here?" She smiles as I get into the passenger side.

"As ready as i can be." I mumble as I put on my seatbelt.

"How was this house?" She looks at me before we drive off.

"Shitty as always." I sigh as I roll up my jacket sleeves, revealing fingerprints around my wrists.

"Alex, what happened???" Stacy exclaims.

"The mother of the house got mad and she took it out on me because I yelled at her." I sigh softly.

"Alex, you need t-"

"To control my temper. I know I know." I sigh again. "Where am I going now?" I look at Stacy.

A smile dances across Stacy's face as we pull to a stop light. " You're in luck, my papers went through and well, Alex, you're coming to stay with me for a good long time." She smiles.

My eyes lighten up and I can't help but smile. "Really??!!"

She nods. "Yes, really."

I smile more. "Oh my god!! Thank you Stacy! Thank you so much!!" My voice cracks as I almost cry.

We pull up to her house and I smile as I look up at it. "Since you already know everyone in there, you can go ahead and go in and make yourself at home. Mama is making breakfast so you're just in time."

I nod as I get out of the car. I begin to walk up to the house with a happy smile on my face. As I open the door, I'm attacked with hugs. Stacy has five children, four of them are adopted and one, the oldest is from a previous marriage. After hugging four of the five kids, the oldest, Phoenix is waiting for me by the doorway of the living room. I tear up as I see him and immediately run into his arms.

"I missed you so much." I mumble into his chest.

Phoenix wraps his arms around me and smiles. "I missed you more." He kissed the top of my head.

Stacy walks in with a smile. "Okay okay!! Phoenix, take Alex up to the bathroom and wash him up for breakfast then come back down to eat. Elijah, Emery, Jayden, and Jaston, go set the the table and help Mama." Stacy orders everyone.

"Okay!" Everyone says in unison.

Phoenix and I trot up stairs and to the first bathroom. I sit down on the toilet as Phoenix brings in a pair of his clothes and a rag. The clothes I was wearing were old and pretty dirty.

"Take off your shirt." Phoenix looks at me.

"Geez, been here for five minutes and you're already ordering me around." I laugh as he wets the rag and my shirt comes off.

"Whatever you dork." He chuckles. "Clean up then we'll go eat. Mama made waffles. After we eat, I'll take you to the mall and we'll get you some new clothes. Mom said you're going to be here for a while so why not get you settled properly?" He smiled.

I take the rag and begin to clean the dirt off of my torso. "Ooo sounds yummy."

"Well duh, it's Mama's cooking." Phoenix chuckles.

I finish cleaning off myself as Phoenix hands me a clean pair of clothes. I put on the shirt and smile up at Phoenix.

"Let's go eat!" Phoenix smiles.

I nod as the both of us dash downstairs and into the dining room. As I sit down at the end of the table, the other kids just finished setting the table. Phoenix sits across from me, Stacy sits at one end of the table, Emery, Elijah, Jayden and Jaston fill the rest as Mama walks out with plates and bowls full of food. My face lightens up as I get served my food. It all smells amazing and looks fantastic.

"It's good to see you again Alex. We all missed you very much." Mama says as I dig into my food.

I finish chewing my bite of waffle I shoved into my mouth. "I missed you guys too. You have no idea how happy I am to be here. Here I actually feel safe and welcomed, unlike other foster homes. Here I won't get abused. Here I won't have to worry where my next meal is going to come from. So thank you all for letting me be here." I smile at everyone.

Stacy smiles. "We're glad to have you here Alex."

Everyone smiles and begins to eat. After breakfast I help with the dishes and putting away any extras. Phoenix comes into the kitchen with a smile on his face. I really like Phoenix. We've had some history, but it's good history.