personal enjoyment

cinema sneeze attack

Hailey clutched her itchy nostrils tightly between her thumb and forefinger and prayed for a miracle. Her little nose felt as if a whirlwind of dust particles were dancing through its passages, tantalisingly edging her closer and closer to what she most dreaded – a full blown sneezing fit.

Blurred through her allergic tears, she risked peeking sideways at her date for the evening, the unexpectedly attractive Matt. Beyond him, she could dimly make out the huddled shapes of her best friend Carly with her boyfriend Will, already engaged in what could only be described as 'overenthusiastic petting'. Damn them, why did they always have to be so affectionate – it only made the proximity of Matt even more awkward for her.

The screen darkened, Hailey rubbing her nose furiously. Oh god, she needed to sneeze so badly! She worried that she may be almost trembling with the desire to release the building explosion, and that Matt would notice. Maybe he'd think she was afraid of him. Thankfully, he chose that moment to lean in and whisper 'movie trailers – they're my favourite bit' in her ear, reassuring her that he was blissfully unaware of the hurricane that was gaining power within her.

Someone somewhere was wearing the most irritating perfume. Its sweet scent blossomed through the musty auditorium, making every breath Hailey took cause the tickle to deepen and spread, making her chest heave and her large, dark eyes glaze with the consuming sensation.

She tried to look subtly along the row of chairs, to see how many people she would disturb should she need to make an exit. An exceptionally loud trailer started up on the screen, a series of explosions and collapsing buildings. Hailey realised that this might be her chance, to clear her nose of the tickle with one colossal sneeze. It was a risk she realised she had little choice but to take...

'HHAAAAA....RRUUSSSSSSHHHOOOOOO!!!'

Hailey sneezed, her trademark full-bodied, wet release that caused her to snap forward at the waist, her hands fluttering ineffectually in front of her face. Her eyes screwed shut, her nose creased with the intensity of the sneeze. The sound seemed to echo through the auditorium, the row of seats wobbling with the force of her convulsion.

Matt didn't seem to notice, either caught up in the trailer or too polite to even look at her. Desperately, Hailey pinched her fingers around her nose, rubbing furiously, trying anything to get the itch to leave her in peace. It was no good. She was going to have to sneeze again, the second building even more intensely that the first, and she knew that this one was going to be even harder to control.

The cinema screen faded to black. The trailer had ended. Desperately, Hailey tried to hold her lips tightly closed, clenching her jaw, anything to trap the rapidly expanding sneeze within her body. A breathy gasp escaped her. Oh god, there was nothing to be done, she just had to.

'HHUUUUURRRRRUUUUSSSSSHHHHHOOOOO!!!'

The sneeze wrenched out of her, becoming longer and more drawn out due to her efforts to contain it. She felt a fine spray leave her, hoping that the person sat in front of her would not feel it. She could not even begin to cover it, for the sneeze took over her whole body, making her powerless to react while it was released. In the silent cinema, the sound echoed like a small nuclear bomb, reverberating from the high ceiling.

All around, she heard tuts and exclamations of annoyance. Carly was giggling in the darkness. Matt turned to her, eyes wide with shock.

'Wow! That was some sneeze – are you alright? You're not going to do another one are you?' Hailey thought she sensed genuine terror in his voice. She never quite got used to the embarrassment that her colossal sneezes caused not only her, but the people she was with. Her little sister dreaded being anywhere with her during allergy season, for her world-shaking sneezes could strike at any time.