I got you

He is falling apart

It was foggy and I can see everyone screaming. "He is dying! He is dying!" I am hearing lots of screams. "Bambam, I need you," I heard a whisper, from a very familiar voice, "come here." As I follow the voice, all the scream are still there, I saw Mello on the bed. His feet turned to violet, and his hand just fell from the bed. FUCK! What the hell is this? My heart started to raise and I screamed, "NO!!!"

I woke up from a very bad dream, panting. Fuck, that was scary. It's been two years since I saw Mello, we never spoke and got a chance to speak because of Juz. I know there is something wrong happening to him at the moment. I just know. I want to deny the fact that I can feel some pain in my body, at the left side of my chest. I sigh as I know I can't do anything. I feel weak.

A few months later, A.M messaged me on Facebook. "Hey, we need you right now. Mello needs you. Please." I had goosebumps. What the fuck is happening? My chest started to pain like as if it's being squeezed, I feel weak.
"What happened?" I replied.
"He is in a bad condition. You have to see him. He is looking for you." she said. Fuck. What bad condition? I am so scared of what she will say. "He is in the hospital right now."
"Okay, I will try," I replied. That's just such a lame answer, seriously.
"Don't try, you really have to come with us." She said.
What the fuck I will do?
"Bambam" Mello's brother message me on facebook.
"Hey, what's up?" I replied.
"Mom needs you, Mello needs you," he said. What the fuck is going on?
"What happened?" I replied. My hands are getting weak.
"He is in the hospital," he said, "he is looking for you."
Moment of silence. I didn't reply, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to react.
I kept quiet for few weeks thinking when can I visit Mello. I want to see him, I want to know what's happening with him. I wanna know why it feels so bad. Fuck this.

Juz came to our house planning to watch some movie with me at home. My mom came down to the lounge and said, "Bambam, when are you going to visit Mello?" Shit. Juz is here, what should I respond? Moment of silence. "He is in the hospital, you have to visit him." and she left.
"Bam, why you didn't tell me he is in the hospital?" Juz asked.
"It's pointless, right? You don't want me to see him anyway." I replied.
"But he needs you, I would be okay this time because he is in the hospital." he said.
"Okay, sure," I replied. He is insane, I know he only agreed just because Mello is in the hospital.

After few days, I still didn't go to the hospital as I know that Mello is outpatient already. He is home and taking medication. I came to his house to visit him. My heart is beating and I feel like I'm getting weak. I ring their doorbell, this is the moment of truth. His mom opened the gate for me, "I'm glad to see you again after a long time," she hugged me so tight.
"I'm so sorry for not seeing you for so long," I replied, "it's been complicated."
"It's okay, as long as you are here now," she said. As I go to the stairs told me, "he might not recognize you, but he has been looking for you, please bare with him. He also might not talk."
My heart feels like it's falling, what does she mean about he might not recognize me? Why wouldn't he talk?
"Okay," I replied. There is a moment of silence as I come inside his room.
I saw Mello sitting on his bed, his face and body are swollen like as if he is gone fat. There are lots of stretch marks on his whole body from his arms to his tummy, down to his legs. If you have seen someone who drowned for so long and floating on the water, that's what he looked like. He is pale and doesn't talk. My heart just crashed into so many small pieces. No words can express how I am feeling right now.
"His kidney is failing," her Mom told me. I am still in shock and don't know what to say. "My son, Bambam is here." He looked at me as if he doesn't know me.
"Who is she?" Mello whispered to his mom. He can't recognize me, but he is looking at me like the first time we saw each other more than 6 years back.
I hold my tears back, trying to be strong with this situation. "Hi! Monkey, this is Bambam in front of you." he looked at me.
"Oh yeah, how are you?" he replied. He said it like as if he recognize me.
"Well, I'm good. I'm going to Dubai in few weeks for good." I replied. "You have to get well soon so I can take you there."
"Oh yeah, you told me," he said. He was gone quiet. "Who are you again?"
Because of his kidney failing, he is overdosed with the medicine he is taking. He is suffering from memory loss and having a hard time to process things. He can't remember some of the events in his life, mostly the most treasured one. My heart feels like it is being squeezed to death. I wonder if he can remember me.
"With his situation right now, he can't walk. He can't go to the bathroom by himself. He doesn't like being asked what can he remember," her Mom said, "He has been asking you a couple of times when will you come. But now, he doesn't remember you."
"Will he remember me if I come here more often?" I asked her.
"Yes for sure," she replied, "we need your support."
"What really happened to him?" I asked.
"When he was in Japan, he took this medicine that the doctor gave him. He had issues with his tummy, and he didn't know he is not supposed to take 2 tablets a day. Since then, his feet got swollen and now it is worse. We found out that his kidney is failing."
What will I do? What can I do? What can I do to help him?

"I will try to come back here more often, I want to help him to recover," I told Mama Lorna.
One day, I visited Mello after work. I told him lots of stories so he can catch up with me. He is responsive, he laughs, he tells his stories and he asks the questions about people who he knows. He remembers that he will be the escort of my sister when she turns 18. His body pains, whenever he moves. He coughs so bad as if his lungs is really in pain. A few minutes later, one lady came to his room. Her name is Meanne. She is the alleged girlfriend of Mello. I look at her, I don't want to say anything. I am here for Mello and I don't want any trouble. I kept quiet and gave them time with each other, she comes here often. I left them in the room.

Being in Mello's room reminds me a lot of memories and all of them are happy memories. I can't believe this is happening. Why is this happening to him? I wish I was there since then. I wish I didn't have to stop communicating with him. I feel mad at myself why I let Juz keep me away from my bestfriend. And now he is in a very bad condition and barely remembers me, that's the only time I showed up after two years. Two fucking years! I wasted so much of time. The doctor said that he is recovering and getting better. I will do my best to make sure he will recover fast.

Will he remember me? He is getting better, he is getting better.