your the reason why

tape 4 \\jay Jackson

Jays POV:
  
        I've been crying for days. I can't sleep, I keep seeing her every where but I know she's not here. I really did mean it when I told her I was here to stay, she just never believed me. I have really strong feelings for her but I could tell she didn't feel the same because she distended herself from me. I tried to always be there for her but I could never tel her how I really felt, not when I knew she didn't feel the same way. I was a coward, I never told her how I really felt, I was afraid to love a girl and now she's dead and I can't tell her how I feel. I can't go to school. Not when her face is everywhere. She's everywhere but nowhere , its driving me insane. Wow I must have loved her more tan I thought why did I never tell her? Why did she do it? She had a of going for her , was I not enough? I was lying in bed watching Netflix when the bel rang, my mum was at work so that meant I had to drag myself out of my lovely warm bed to the cold front door. When I swung it open and saw no one, I almost cried, who an earth would wake me from my grieving stage and not even be at the door. When I went to close the door something on the floor blocked it. I looked down and saw a damaged box, I ignored it and kicked it of the step. When I looked at it the lid flew of and 6 tapes flew out. I noticed they had numbers on them so I figured it must be important.

I quickly ran to them and picked them up, struggling to hold them properly they fell back out my hand ,so I tried it again,this time my hands were uncontrollably shaking , I hadn't been out the house in days so the air really hit me. As I scrambled back to the house I found a tape recorder and started to play the tapes. Her voice. It was her. the girl I was to afraid to love. " hey its Nancie" her voice sounded like angels paying music in my ears. Wow I really loved this girl, but I couldn't have her. As soon as I heard her speak , shivers went tumbling down my spine and suddenly my heart felt heavy. Once the first 3 tapes were over , I prepared myself for what was to comes next. Each tape that played I sat in anticipation because I thought that the next one would be me. I just about made it PST the first tape without thinking bout dynasty and then about Reggie. What shocked me the most was holly. WHAT THE ACTUALL HELL !!! Why did she post them pictures everywhere especially to her parents . Nancie parents were killed by some boy I'm not sure how but I was always sure I would be there for Nancie . god I love her . once I finished the tape I finally came to mine. I could stop the tears from coming as soon as I heard her say my name. " hey jay , its Nancie I know you shouldn't be on hear but you had to be on hear if I was going to tell my story. I'm going to tell you something I should have told you a long time ago, jay , I love you. I was too afraid to tell you because I knew you didn't feel the same way i-" " NO" I ripped the earphones from my ears almost taking my ears with it. " no,no,no Nancie , why?? I do love you! More than you know. I know you can't her me but I loved you all along, I was too much of a coward to tel you and I'm going to hate myself everyday for it"
 

A few more days past and I decided I should finish the tapes. Once I got to tape 5 and 6 I flipped. Something inside me switched and I was now raging. I'm gonna go find them sons of bitches and I was gonna kill them myself with out any hesitation. before I stepped out the door, it knocked. When I opened it my mouth hit the floor. " Katie" I said my voice sounding croaky. "How you holding up" she asked curiously. " fine yeah what you doing here" I didn't mean for it to come out Rudely. " have you finished the tapes" she asked sounding worried . as soon as she mentiond them my eyes grew wide. " how do you know about the tapes" I asked kind of worried. " your not on them , how do you know about them" " calm down jay, I'm not on the tapes but Nancie told me to make sure the tapes got to every person and so far you've taken the longest. " wait how did you know she made the tapes, did you know she was gonna kill herself, why didn't you stop her i-" she cut me of by slapping me on the cheek. " snap out of it" she yelled making me squint . " no I didn't know she was gonna kill herself other wise she would still be here now you idiot " " she gave me a letter telling me what to do and why she was going to do. As soon as I read it I ran to her house but when I got there I was to late. I found her dead. I saw her body. She was lifeless and all I could think when I was looking at her is that she would just jump up and hug me saying its all a joke. But she never did. And she never will because she's gone and she isn't coming back so you need to get a hold of yourself and not go near the boys, ok karmas a bitch and they will get why is coming to them." As soon as she said that I fell in to her arms and just cried. We both stood there crying for about half hour until she left and went home, leaving me all by myself.