impaired | m.yg (On Hold)

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- J I H E E -

It wasn't fun living with no sound.

I couldn't hear the voices of children as they played, I couldn't hear the busy streets.

I couldn't hear anything.

I wasn't born like this, it happened at a young age though, I was 7.

I had fell from my father's tree, I was rushed to the hospital as I had hit my head hard.

I couldn't hear my mothers sob or her soothing voice anymore.

Nor my father's comforting words, trying not to scare me and my mother.

But I was beyond scared, I could only see them.

No sound at all, no ringing, no faint noises, nothing.

After that, the doctors had explained to my mother how I had lost my hearing, she cried for a month after that.

I had to learn Sign language, I don't know how my voice sounds after I had matured.

I rarely talk anyways, because I can't hear it, I'm insecure about my voice.

The people around me were devastated, they still tried to talk to me.

I couldn't understand. They thought it was temporary, but 17 years later, no sound came to my ears.

It's scary at times, you can't tell if a car is coming or a cyclist.

You can't know if someone is telling you something important.

I thought my grandma was alive until my parents brought me to her funeral.

I didn't know my brother got accepted into his dream university until he packed up his bags and left.

People don't even make an effort to help me.

I can read, they could've wrote it down on a paper and I would've understood.

Ever since I lost my hearing, it felt like I had lost myself.

Do I have friends? I have one.

She's the only one that tried to understand me.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around to face Youra, she took out her notepad and starting writing.

'Wanna write about it, Jihee?" I shook my head and she nodded.

She started to write again 'Are you thinking about the incident again?' I nodded.

She put the notebook away and held out her hand, I took it and she led me through the streets.

She seemed rushed, as she pushed through the crowds I hit a persons shoulder.

I thought he didn't mind it until he grabbed my wrist and turned me around.

He started yelling, people looking and forming a crowd.

His face turned red, I couldn't read lips well but I understood one word "deaf" Youra came out from the crowd and started screaming at him.

His face fell and they started to have a conversation, I saw everyone giving me pitiful looks.

I had to leave.

I ripped through the crowds and went home, ready to shut myself up in my room and not come out until tomorrow.

Then the door opened, Youra came in 'Why did you leave?' She signed to me.

'I hated the attention' I saw her sigh and she nodded, understandingly.

'That guy was a dick' I felt a giggle in my throat, and I nodded.

'What did he say anyway?' She shook her head 'Please tell me' she shook her head once more.

I tried to speak the words, showing her how much I wanted to know, I only felt the words come out from my throat.

If they were the right words, I wouldn't know, she hesitated but signed what he said to me.

'He said that you were a unladylike person and since you just looked at him, he asked if you were deaf' I blinked.

'I punched him.' My eyes widened 'Are you stupid?' She smiled 'I can't just see a rude guy and not punch him' I smiled back at her.

'Let's watch a movie' I nodded and put on my favorite movie, I never hear their voices but I always read the subtitles, it was Beauty and the Beast.

I liked Disney movies a lot, I remember watching the movies before I lost my hearing.

I put it in and sat on the couch, Youra had brought popcorn and candy for us to eat.

The movie started and instead of reading the subtitles, I just stared, wondering if I could hear the movie again.