stupid for you ↝ ryden

8.0

ryan invited brendon to hang out one night. brendon looks around ryan's room while ryan was out picking up dinner. he notices a journal sitting on ryan's bedside table.

he knows snooping is wrong, but him and ryan are practically joined at the waist. he wouldn't mind, right?

brendon picks up the journal and sits at ryan's desk, casually swaying in the spinning chair. he reads through the journal, ryan has some dark stuff in here. one page sticks out in particular.

it's talking about ways to die.

brendon swallows thickly as he reads the page, followed by the rest of the journal. a few tears slip out his eyes and he wipes them away with the sleeve of his hoodie.

he doesn't even hear ryan come home, he doesn't hear him enter the room, he doesn't know he's there until ryan freaks out.

"what the fuck are you doing?" ryan's tone scares brendon. he's never heard him like this. he rips the journal away from brendon, holding it into his chest.

"i'm sorry." brendon mumbles. the apology half because he read it and half of what ryan wrote. "why didn't you tell me?"

"how much did you read?" ryan asks, his voice cracking the softest bit.

"enough." brendon says. "why didn't you tell me? why didn't you tell anyone?"

some tears fall on ryan's cheeks. "because i don't have anyone! everyone leaves or doesn't care about me! i know you're going to leave eventually."

"i'm not going to leave you ryan." brendon says, tears on his own cheeks.

"that's what you want to believe, brendon." ryan says. "i know it, you know it."

"well what am i supposed to do!" brendon replies. "i fucking love you."

"get out." ryan says, pointing to the door.

"i fucking love you!" brendon repeats louder.

"get the fuck out!" ryan yells, matching his volume.

brendon storms out. ryan curls himself into a ball on his bed. hot tears stream down his face, it's getting hard to breathe.