mama grazer

hi. i'm jack.

Hi. My name is Jack Dylan Grazer and I'm hot as fuck. Also, I'm dressed as a drag queen and my pancakes are on fire.

*record scratch* *freeze frame*

You may be wondering how I got in this situation. Well when I was only a little chicken tender, I had emo hair and looked like Finn Wolfhard. Ew. Now I'm a juicy steak with good hair.

Speaking of juicy steak, I'm also a fucking cook which is why a good 98% of my phrases are food related. Also I'm always hungry, even while I'm eating. My cook (and stripper) name is mama grazer. Well nobody calls me that but I'm still mama grazer. I specialize in pancakes and milkshakes, and not just regular milkshakes if ya know what I mean. I've also created the first healthy milkshake! It had tomatoes and spinach and chicken in it and everything. It still tasted good because I put oreos in it. I tried to give it to Jaeden but he threw it up, bummer.

"Jack, are you talking to yourself again?" Finn said, opening the door.

"No? Who even are you bursting into my room like that."

"This is Wyatt's room, and what are you doing to your face?"

"Nothing and whatever, you look like a bottle of ranch with a wig. Please shut the door you fricking hoe poptart with garlic seasoning."

"Calm down Fred Savage," Finn said waving a finger.

"YOU CALM DOWN! You're like 99% sodium right now. Now get out you overgrown french fry."

Anyways, that's Finn. He's like totally hot as fuck but I'm hotter. My other best friends are Wyatt, Jaeden, Chosen, Sophia and Jeremy when he's not trying to piss me off. I like to make dramatic entrances when I see them which is why I've been in Wyatt's room for an hour getting dressed up as a drag queen.

"What's popping you broke hobos, my name is Jackie"

"Morning Jack. What's our surprise today." Wyatt sighed.

"You wanna know what the surprise isn't? That you and Jaeden like each other. Frackin date."

"Jack seriously?" Sophia said popping her head out of the blankets. "8:00 in the morning? DRESSED AS JEFREE STAR? You were up until 5AM last night!"

"Shhhh gingerbread girl. I'm gonna go make pancakes."

"UhhMmmMmM nO yOUR NOT." Wyatt said, grabbing onto my boa and choking me with it.

I like freaking Wyatt out, so I say gross stuff to him when he gets annoying.

"Choke me daddy."

"Eww Jack. Nevermind, burn my suite down for all I care." Wyatt scoffed.

"You're not Zach and Cody, this isn't a suite." I said, flipping my boa.

Jaeden is always in Wyatt's kitchen at 7:00 cooking because he takes cooking classes and makes good breakfast, but I'm still a better cook then him. He thinks he just so fricken good because his mommy angela is queen bee when it comes to cooking, but I like to purposely mess him up.

"WHERE IS THE LAMB SAUCE." I screamed, opening all of Wyatt's counters frantically.

I slammed the bread on the counter and smeared butter all over and stuck jaedens head in between them.

"WHAT ARE YOU?" I screamed in his ear.

"Sweet mother of jose jack. An idiot sandwich."

"WHAT WAS THAT? I DIDN'T HEAR YOU."

"An idiot sandwich. Now I'm gonna finish making waffles."

Around this time I start making pancakes. And then I go annoy Finn in the other room.

"WHAT is UP baby boyy." I said, entering the room with the wii in it.

Finn is always in the room with the wii in it. That templey tot is always playing nintendo games.

"Hi Fred Savage."

"HEEELLLLOOOOO," I yelled while pulling him onto the bed and wrestling with him.

"Jack I swear on angela's cooking skills if you don't get off-"

"LITERALLY why are you so rude. Oh my god I seriously love you. I'm your biggest fan. I'm seriously the best fanpage out there. Don't even get me started sweetie I'm-"

"SHUTUP!" Jeremy said, getting angrier.

"How did you get out?" Finn and Jack said in unison.

The reason me and finn asked jeremy how he got out was because I totally locked him in the closet after he made all my fans comment spicy on my instagram post, when I specifically told them to say templey instead of spicy.

"Jaeden and Wyatt let me out. They slept in the other room because of how loud you guys were, and now I understand why!" Jeremy said, clamping a pillow over his ears.

"OkaybutIlockedyouintheclosetbecauseyouwerebeingannoyingsodon'tevenstartwithmeyouknowwhatyoudidjerem-"

"JACK shut UP!" Finn yelled.

"You love me." Jack said.

"Yes I do, you're my lover." Finn said. (@ReddieWhip there ya go ;))

"You love me more than Millie?" Jack said, hope in his eyes.

"First of all, me and Millie aren't a thing. Second of all, yes." Finn said, smiling to himself.

---

"JACK, YOUR FUCKING PANCAKES ARE ON FIRE!" wyatt yelled.

AW SHITACKI MUSHROOMS WITH RANCH AND CROUTONS.

I ran over with to pat out the flames but I didn't have anything to pat them out with, so I decided to use my boa.

"THE BOA IS ON FIRE," Jaeden sighed.

"SO IS THE CADDLYWHACKIN WIG!" Finn said.

Suddenly Jeremy came out with a fire extinguisher, spraying down Wyatt's whole kitchen.

"What the hell guys?" he said, dropping the fire extinguisher.

"Anyone want any of mama grazers signature horse meat pancakes?"  

at request of @ReddieWhip I rewrote a part of this story except it's fick now. I hope you guys are liking it so far :)