mama grazer

hi. i met jiffy triangle.

Hello there friends, my name is Jack Dylan Grazer and I am currently hiding in the bathroom at the MTV awards show with 5 pieces of strawberry shortcake and a parrot after cracking jeffree star jokes on stage.

*record scratch* *freeze frame*

You may be wondering how I got in this situation.

Of course I was at the MTV movie awards because I am a high class actor. I walked in to see a huge, HUGE building with beautifully designed decorations, food, and the loud chatter of the attendants.The whole building was a moonlit blue from the lights on the top of the ceiling. It was a great opportunity for me and my respectful friends to go meet some other fellow actors and get acting tips from them!

HAH, bitch, baby, just kidding. I was walking wherever the fuck and I saw the ONE and ONLY jiffy triangle.

"Hi Bella Thorne!" I said, straying away from my friends and running up to her and acting as innocent as possible. "Can I get a picture?"

"Sure sweetheart," she said.

Let me say this lightly, thE BITCH LOOKED LIKE PAPA SMURF.

She had long a$$ bleached, but not toned, hair. She had blue sparkles on her nose and blue lipstick or some fuckduckchickencluck shit.

After I got a picture, I ran over to the desert table to find some good lookin' strawberry shortcake. I took two pieces and turned around to see finn the shin, looking fine as wine.

"What up, hoe." I said looking at him boredly. That was, until i noticed the parrot.

"WHY in the depths of heaven hell and EARTH do you have a fraggin parrOT on your shoulder?"

"Oh, yeah, He talks. Hes helping with the award show."

"He talks, he talks!" The parrot echoed back.

I asked Finnlard if I could hold the parrot and of course he said yes because he loves me. So did the parrot. Why wouldn't he, I'm beautiful. I loved the rainbow ass voicebox. Then the thing happened. We got called up on the stage. 

Aw shit with a cherry on top.

The stage was nice. I forgot what our award was for. Everyone clapped. All I wanted was more frickinfrackin shortcake. The mic was passed around. They asked me to speak next, the microphone got harshly shoved in my precious angel face, how dArE they?

"Oh uh, whats up, Hello. I'm Jack Dylan Grazer and I play Eddie Kaspbrak." I greeted, being polite as jaeden on a sunday morning.

"Hi Jack." The host asked. "What was your favorite part of the award show tonight?"

"Oh uhm.." I said looking cute as hell, feeling the stares of every hot a$$ celebrity in the audience.

"Meeting Jeffree Star, oh gosh- I mean- Jiffy Triangle. Nonono. Bella Thorne." I said accidentally, receiving hoards of laughter from the crowd.

"Jeffree star, Jeffree star. Jiffy triangle, Thorne, Thorne." The bird repeated.

"personally I prefer Jeffree star," I said again.

Fuck you Jack, You just made it worse you oversalted pretzel. Whatever at least you're funnier than Finn.

 But this is when the losers went batshit crazy.

Finn laughed and fell on Wyatt, Wyatt was off guard and landed on Jeremy, Jeremy's hand latched onto the door of the parrots cage while he was falling and out the bird flew.

I ran off of the stage like a beautiful freckled cinderella after grabbing the rainbow voicebox, five slices of strawberry shortcake and my phone out of my pocket.

Sitting in the bathroom, I opened Twitter, attached my picture of me and Bella, and wrote:

@jackgrazer4ya tweeted: nice to meet you jeffree star, uh no, jiffy triangle! Nonono. Bella thorne. I'm in the bathroom laughing with 5 pieces of cheesecake and a talking parrot. Please come and forgive my sins. @bellathorne

@bellathorne replied to @jackgrazer4ya: wanna get coffee some time?  

"JIFFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-"

A/N:

HEY, HI, I'VE BEEN CAMPING AND AT A FAMILY REUNION. APOLOGIES. by the way no hate towards bella thorne. and i got some good news. i'm gonna be writing all day today. other good news, THANKS TO @jackgraybeanie ON INSTAGRAM JACK ACTUALLY READ THE STORY!! i screamed in sweet frog. also, please go follow @mamagrazer on instagram because thats meeeee. thank you. i love you guys.