Hiring a Hitman || Joshler

Ketchup

The deed was done.

That was it. It's all over. There was no going back.

He had ordered the Big Mac.

His diet was now ruined.

Go on a diet, they said. It will make you feel happier and healthier, they said.

But Tyler could not comprehend how one could be truly happy without an occasional trip to McDonald's in their life. It was simply a life he did not wish to lead.

Yes, McDonald's menu items can't even be categorised as food most of the time. Yes, their food is gross and unnatural and extremely processed. Yes, the food is cheap and is thrown together with the end result looking like a three year old's creation.

But hey.

A dude's gotta eat. And sometimes the thing he really needs most, in the times of his ultimate and devastating hunger episodes, is two greasy slabs of 'beef' sandwiched between three soggy buns stuffed with dry, crusty lettuce and paper-like cheese and let's not forget the questionable substance that is labelled 'sauce'. Also, we can't ignore the wet and slimy pickle accompanied by the shreds of white things that are apparently onions.

Pure perfection to a ravenous human.

"Would you like fries with that?"

The small woman in the traditional fast food restaurant's uniform chirped, tilting her head to the side as she eyed Tyler curiously. Her wine coloured hair was tied up in a ponytail and swished to the side as she cocked her head.

He froze.

The dreaded question. The question that would change everything. The question that would determine his future. The question that has started wars, tricked kingdoms into falling to their doom, caused loving families to split, made the burning sun explode into tiny pieces of fire rock floating throughout space and probably sizzling and roasting everything in its path, resulting with the melting ice caps refreezing again and spreading an unfathomable blizzard around the world, blanketing us all in darkness and depression until the earth crumbles and cracks along with our hopes and dreams and aspirations.

This was a very important question. The wrong answer would surely cause him to die. The right answer would allow him to thrive and live on. This was a life or death situation. This was no joke to Tyler.

Does he want fries with that?

DOES HE WANT FRIES WITH THAT?!

DEAR GOD, THE FRIES. DOES. HE.WANT.THEM?

T HE  FRI ES  A RE WAIT I  NG.

He took a deep breath through his nose and exhaled with a grunt after eyeing her name tag accusingly.

"Now, Karen. You and I, we're similar, similar in many ways. I may have just met you but I could consider you a sister from another mister but you see, Karen, I do not take these kind of questions lightly. 'Do YoU wAnT fRiEs WiTh ThAt?', what kind of dumbfuck question is that? what kind of game are you playing? Do you think this is some kind of joke, Karen? Listen, my dear Karen, I am a simple guy, living a simple life with simple friends and family, doing simple things with his time, simply, and ordering simple food in a simple fast food joint. I came here for a burger, Karen. A burger. But then you go and drop the bomb on me and put me in this life or death situation that I do not wish to be in. I'm an American. I was born in the place where things are made in giant portions and dreams are made. This is a free country and i believe that anyone, anywhere can do anything. So yes, Karen, I do want fries with that and I'm not fucking around"

The frightened girl now had ghostly pale skin and her grey eyes were wide with shock. Karen was utterly dumbfounded and at a loss for words. Poor Karen didn't even know the guy, he was just some random customer. She nodded exaggeratedly and quickly added the fries to his order and ripped out the receipt, not breaking eye contact.

"T-that will be-" she stuttered, though she didn't get to finish her sentence as Tyler slammed down the ten dollar bill and slipped the receipt into his pocket.

"Keep the change"

She gulped and placed the money into the black, technological cash register without hesitation.

"W-what size f-fries would you like?", Karen mumbled as the uncomfortable eye contact still commenced and Tyler didn't seem to be backing down any time soon.

"I'll have a large please" he replied sweetly, his change of tone and character taking the cashier off guard and startling her.

Tyler watched as his tray was loaded with his order and he swiftly grabbed the now full tray and gracefully sat down at a small table by the window.

"Guys, help me! This dude is an absolute nut job" Karen whisper-shouted to her fellow comrades as she eyed him at his table.

"He's giving me weird vibes" Kevin mumbled to his work companion.

"Better keep an eye on him" another worker added. The trio turned and watched him.

In 20 seconds flat, Tyler completely devoured the steaming, artificial burger and moved onto his fries greedily.

But before he dug in, he stopped. And stared.

His eye began to twitch and his blood began to boil and the vain in his neck became more prominent by the second.

"KAREN, YOU FORGOT MY GODDAMN KETCHUP. SO HELP ME, KAREN, I WILL FIGHT YOU. I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS"

The scared group of McDonald's employees huddled in the corner behind the counter flinched. They acted like deers caught in headlights. Frantically, they began launching the small packets of ketchup in Tyler's direction, allowing them to be flung every which way.

A total of 7 packets successfully landed on his tray. 23 other packets were discarded and strewn about the floor, tables and chairs.

"Thank you!" he called back to them in response, offering them a bright, cherry smile.

Ketchup was essential. It was a necessity. One couldn't possibly chew and digest fries without it. By doing so, you are committing the worst sin known to man. Another example is pineapple on pizza, you CANNOT eat pizza tainted with the yellow, sour, devil fruit, it is simply not okay and should never be done, not even in the most dire of situations. Tyler felt sorry for the poor suckers who are brainwashed and actually gave consent to eat the monstrosity. It was horrific.

A happy Tyler picked up one small packet and tore open the side. Unfortunately he miscalculated the tearing point and the amount of pressure he added because before he knew it, the red sauce squirted out with force like a bullet shot from a gun and splattered unforgivably across his new shirt.

He didn't mind though. It blended in with the droplets of crimson that accidentally stained his shirt from earlier doings. They were now nothing more than ketchup stains. That's all they appeared to be. No one would know any different.

Today had been good. Nothing could possibly ruin it. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, the flowers were blooming and the dead body was expertly hidden, never to be found by any living soul for all eternity.

Tyler didn't leave a trace.

__________

A/N

Hey welcome to this story
I hope you enjoy it
This was written late at night when I was really tired so that's my excuse for the over exaggeration, but hey, it's fun to write so maybe every chapter will be painfully dramatic
I'm going with the flow here