Let go

2. Pitied

1 year ago. A whole year without hearing her voice or seeing her face. It was a small ceremony for the poor girl. Everyone in town is giving me sympathy when deep down they know it was them. They carry on merrily living they're best life; while I ,the only one who cared, am left to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I know you are probably wondering who I was to her? That's exactly what is plaguing my mind as I stood in front of the now colourless wilting flowers that have so 'lovingly' been placed at her memorial; if you could call it that. I twirl the almost empty bottle of clear toxic liquid between my fingers hoping, wishing that it would help rid me of the numerous thoughts and questions I still have in my head.

I can feel the subtle spray of harsh waves hit my tan skin as I slowly hang my feet off of the edge to sit where she once stood; contemplating the thoughts that must have been running through her head as she took her final steps. My weary intoxicated state not helping as my mind tricks me into believing that there is still hope for the girl I once loved.

When I was first alerted of what had happened my mind went into overdrive and all my senses shut down. It started with the immense sadness of losing someone close to you which slowly evolved in to anger. Not at her for comitting the deed but at my self for allowing it to happen. Yet I still live my life, day in day out acting as though I was fine. Hoping no one would pick up on the symptoms or the signs that I was heading down the same path my love once did...

To me it's odd saying so much about loving someone. It makes me think of what a selfish coward I have been to allow my own fears to overcome my love for someone who clearly needed it. That fear riddles me today, taunting me like a dog and a toy.