Hopelessly in Love (Zouis)

Chapter 7

They say that love can tear you apart, and honestly, it’s ripped me to shreds. It’s just such an empty feeling to love someone who doesn’t love you back. They’re always right in front of you, unknowingly taunting you with the fact that you will never get what you really want with them.

 It’s even worse when they don’t even love the same gender. People are like, say, I don’t know, cats at a shelter? They are all right in clear view. Some are reserved and some are open for people to take; for you to love them like they love you. Some already have someone, so even if you want them you can never have them. If your sexuality isn’t quite like everyone else’s, though, the choices are even more limited. People are right there, open and single, and even if they are desperate for anyone they won’t choose you because they don’t even like your gender. Going back to the cat comparison, loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like seeing the cat you want all lovey-dovey with its owner, knowing that they have chosen that person, and that no matter how close you get that you will never have that special bond with it.

The cat thing was a stupid way to explain it, but you get what I’m saying. Love isn’t a walk in the park. And my case is no exception.

Lately, Niall and Liam have been teasing Zayn and Perrie about how in love they are. In response either Zayn or Perrie would act a bit embarrassed and hide their face in the other’s neck. Liam and Niall have quite a few pictures of their couple-y moments. Don’t ask why. Niall never paid half this much attention to Liam and Danielle.

I stay and laugh along, knowing that if I leave that Liam, Niall, or Zayn will figure out my love for Zayn. As a general rule, when one of us finds something out its spreads between the five of us within a day. We are kind of terrible at keeping things private. Not that it usually matters, though. We are open books (except for the fact that I am gay and have loved Zayn for the past couple of years), but no one has to know that.

Right now the five of us are sitting in one of the couches in the tour bus, talking about whatever comes to our minds. A few minutes ago we were having this heartfelt discussion about our lives, but we managed to stray into the subject of all the embarrassing things we have done while drunk. There’s quite a lot, actually.  

“I’m never going there again.” Harry huffed from beside me, causing Niall to chuckle from the other side of the couch.

“We need things to be child proofed for us. It wouldn’t be a bad idea.”  I spoke up. The other boys nodded in agreeance, chuckling a bit at the idea.

“Child proof the area, One Direction is coming.” Niall said in a deep voice, causing all of us to burst out in loud laughter. These were the times I liked the best, when it was just us and we were laughing about anything and everything.

 We really do have a close bond; it’s not just something the media made up for publicity. Zayn, when I’m not about to jump him due to desire, is one of the closest friends I’ve ever had, along with the other boys of course. If he’s not a boyfriend he will always be a best mate, even if it’s really not what I want.

“Where do you think we’ll be in thirty years?” Zayn asked out of the blue, a look of thought on his face.

“Married maybe” Liam started, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. “Even kids, I can’t imagine we’ll forget the experience or each other, though.”

“Zayn will be with Perrie.” Niall spoke up, making a heart with his hands and looking at Zayn with an overly gushy gaze. Liam copied his actions.

Zayn looked I bit distraught for a few moments and mumbled out an almost inaudible “I hope.” The boys gave him a questioning look in response. “We’ve been having some problems lately.” He admitted, playing with his fingers.

“It’ll work out. You two love each other.” Niall said and Zayn nodded, probably trying to convince himself.

“Yeah, I’d love to have kids with her.” He said casually. Boom, there was what I dreaded in conversations more than anything else. The whole “living the rest of my life with my sweetheart” topic was what really gutted me.

“I call best man at the wedding!” Niall squealed like a teenage girl, still obsessing over their currently shaky, of course no one paid any attention to that fact, relationship. Zayn gave him a look to shut up, slightly glaring.

“We all knew you were planning, mate. It’s no secret.” Liam spoke up.

I had literally no idea of his plans. If I had to guess I’d say that I deliberately zoned out, but this was new information for me. Everyone else nodded in response. I only nodded so that I wouldn’t stick out. Harry casually grabbed my hand and gave it a light squeeze, it being the most comforting thing done to me throughout this whole conversation.

“I don’t have solid plans. It’s just an idea.” He said, shrugging it off.

The Perrie topic was gone just like that. It was a casual thing to talk about, as Zayn didn’t mind bringing it up and Niall and Liam often decided to act like teenage girls when it appeared in conversation.

Harry, no doubt sensing my discomfort, changed the topic and I almost let out a sigh of relief.

-

I had gone to bed, but after getting what felt like two hours of sleep I woke up to a faint light shining from the small opening in the curtain. I reached aimlessly for my phone and, after hitting my hand many times on the wall, I found it stuck in between the mattress and the thin piece of wood separating my bunk from Zayn’s.

I flinched from the sudden light of the screen, and once my eyes adjusted I saw the time. 2:57. I really shouldn’t have been up, I mean, who in their right mind is up at this time? I felt too awake to fall back asleep, so I decided to get a glass of water.

I pulled my feet back up when my toes touched the carpet, but the tile in the kitchen was going to be even colder so I just toughed it out.

I considered getting a shirt or pajama pants, but, realizing they were on the floor in a pile of our stuff on the other side of the bus I just decided to go without them. It was dark, anyways.

The floor creaked a bit when I walked and I felt someone look in my direction. I noticed a light coming from the kitchen and two outlines of people. After looking at them for a few seconds I decided that they were Liam and Niall. I got close enough that I could hear them and hid behind the door frame, leaning over so I could see them.  I was curious, how could you blame me?

“Um, will you not tell anyone?” Niall seemed hesitant to tell Liam whatever it was, but his voice had a sense of urgency to it.

“Yes, I promise I won’t. What is it?” Liam’s voice was gentle, not forcing anything out of him, but when he sounded so genuine there was no way the Niall couldn’t have told him.

“I think I like Harry. I’m not sure but I really think I do and I don’t know what to do.” He waited a few seconds before looking up at Liam’s reaction.

“I had a feeling. It’s no big deal. I won’t tell anyone. Promise.” Niall smiled and hugged Liam. “Thank you.” Liam silently laughed and smiled down at him.

“I don’t know why you’re so worked up over this.”

“I don’t either.” Niall said, pulling away from his grip on Liam.

“Well I’m going back to bed because it’s three in the morning. Night.” Liam yawned and I quickly but carefully walked back to my bunk, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping.

Niall liked Harry. I still had trouble wrapping my mind around it. I didn’t think Harry liked him back, but there were times when his gaze lingered for a bit too long. It’s probably nothing, though. We all did things that wouldn’t normally be considered platonic- right?

A/N

I know this is short. I'm sorry.