The Only Exception (Swan Queen)

Chapter 29

It's 4a.m. and I'm still awake, my heart still hurts, and my bones still ache. ~Nikita Gill, And Still.

Regina bit her lower lip as she made her way up the stairs clinging tightly to the blanket that was wrapped around her.

Why did I do that? I'm just making things harder for myself. She's not staying, Regina! she scolded myself. Emma has made that perfectly clear from the moment she arrived. She's the one who left in the first place and she knew she need to accept that. The younger woman has a life now, a job she clearly loves. She doesn't need her holding her back from all of that.

She's clearly happy.

But she's back and staying for a few days. Regina pondered for a moment. She could have easily dropped Henry on the doorstep and turned away without another word – but she didn't. She came inside, she agreed to stay. Regina had convinced herself that she was never coming back and she would never see her again.

She wanted to move on from the blonde but it has been a completely hopeless task.

She hardly slept anymore. She missed the feeling of being wrapped securely in her strong, loving arms that protected her. There hadn't been a day that's gone by where she doesn't miss waking up in her arms, feeling her lips pressed against hers, her arms wrapped around her waist or simply seeing her smile.

Her feelings for the younger woman were unwanted and out of control to begin with and then she embraced it openly and felt true happiness and love for the first time in many years.

Well. Look where that's got me now.

Regina had just reached her bedroom door when there was a soft yell from behind her. "Regina!" She turned to see the blonde standing at the top of the stairs merely a few feet away from her.

She dropped her head and stared at the ground. "Emma, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was wrong of me after everything," she blurted out quickly. A hand gently cupped her cheek and her chin was lifted so that her eyes met Emma's. She stared into the sea-green eyes and melted in an instant.

"Do you really mean that?" Emma asked softly.

Regina shuddered slightly at the feeling of being so close to her again. "I meant it. You forgave me for everything I had done in the past. It wouldn't have been right of me for holding a disagreement against you when I spent years trying to ruin your family." Emma opened her mouth to speak but Regina cut her off. "I know I snapped at you that day which may have made you think that but-" a thumb brushed gently over her lower lip bringing her ramble to a sudden stop. She shudder at the feeling.

"That's not what I was asking." She chuckled. Emma bit her lip. "Did you mean it when you said that you don't feel any different about me?"

Regina sighed. "Can we sit down and talk about this?"

The blonde nodded and took a step back, taking the hand that was previously resting on Regina's cheek with her. She frowned slightly at the loss of contact.

Regina turned away from her and opened the bedroom door, flicking on the lights and throwing the blanket onto a nearby chair on her way in. She turned around to see Emma lingering awkwardly in the doorway. She chuckled. "Don't be shy. You can come in, Em." She mentally smacked herself as the old nickname rolled off her tongue.

Emma slowly made her way into the room. Her eyes drifted around the room slightly before landing on the red leather jacket that was lying haphazardly on the pillow. Regina frowned as she looked over to meet her gaze. "You kept it?" She chuckled. "I thought you hated that jacket."

She nodded slowly. It was true, she didn't particularly like the gaudy red leather but it was the one thing she physically couldn't part with. It was too precious to Emma for her to just get rid of it. For a short while after Emma left, it brought her comfort.

It smelled of her.

It sounded stupid but Regina always kept it close to her at night. The smell of the blonde made her feel safe. The smell faded over the years but something about having the worn leather close had the same effect.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Yeah," she muttered. She sat down on the bed and held the clump of red leather in her lap. "It made me feel better."

Emma walked over and sat directly opposite her on the bed. "I really am so sorry, Regina," she whispered.

"I know. It's okay," she mumbled, staring up at her. Regina watched as the younger woman twiddled her thumbs together nervously. "I meant it, Emma," she whispered. She dropped her gaze and started to fiddle with the zip of the jacket. "I loved you so much. It destroyed me the day you left." She swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in the back of her throat. "I've missed you so much. I was never able to get over you, I couldn't."

Emma sighed. "I couldn't either," she whispered.

Regina could feel the tears begin to form in her eyes.

"Just because I didn't come back doesn't mean I didn't miss you. Cause, hell, I missed you," she rambled. "I couldn't even look at anyone in that way, it felt wrong" she mumbled. "I can never apologise enough for everything that I've put you through these past three years."

"Emma-"

"You can't just keep telling me that it's okay, Regina," she snapped causing Regina to flinch. The blonde sighed and her gaze softened. "I can see what I've done. You're like this and it's all my fault. That's not okay," she choked out.

Regina leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Emma's neck bringing her in for a hug. It took the younger woman by surprise at first but she soon wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her tight against her body. Regina settled easily onto her lap. "You came back," she whispered into the crook of her neck. "I expected never to see you again." She buried her face in her hair, taking in the smell of vanilla and cinnamon. "You're here, even for a short time and that's enough for me."

Regina pulled back slowly causing Emma's grip on her waist to loosen but her warm hands still lay firmly on her hips. She stared into her blue-green eyes as she felt her lips gently brush against her own.