Burdens

chapter 7

Dear You

Hmm... Oh where do I begin?...maybe from the start. Yea let's begin there.

I was thinking about the first times we shared. Like the first time we meeted in person. I was soo shy, but it turned out to be a really fantastic day. We had soo much fun and I just couldn't help but to smile even more. You had my heart from the start.

I remember this dolphin necklace you wore around your neck permanently. It looked old, yet I wondered about the meaning behind it. That's when one day we walk down the river and you took the necklace off and put it around mt neck. Saying the following. "See, my cousin gave me this necklace, he told me if I one day walk across the woman of my dreams, the one I want to make my wife one day that I should give this to her." I looked amazed at you and ask if you thought I was really the one and you just simply smiled and said yes else I won't ever have given you this.

Now after everything I still wonder. Was I really at that time being the one or was that the way just played me. Oky I know you didn't play me, but still it just kinda hurts knowing that we didn't make it. Is like I want to just walk up to you and ask again. Am I really the one you saw this future with? And if you say no then I will ask again.. then why did you gave me this? This necklace. What is the real meaning of it? I want to hear you answers so badly.....

Was I really the one you wanted... the irony here is that I know we would still be together if it wasn't for this one thing called distance... and funny now we are moving towards you again as well... and distance is not the problem any more... but you couldn't handle it.... you lost it...you were not strong enough. If only you had hold on a tiny bit longer we would be together...near each other again...even closer then before you moved. We would be in walking distance fron each other... but no.....life came in and took it all away.... if only we had hold on.... I just can't help to think of all the what if's.... what if this happened and not that... what if it did made out...we would be celebrating 2 years of love...yet now I'm only celebrating one year and 3 months of sadness...single....and heart brokenness......and you are celebrating one year anniversary with your new girl...how ironic it is that I'm still here talking to you and you don't even realize it. Funny how I'm the strong one...maybe it is like what I said...maybe you just did it to forget about me and that it worked.... maybe after all this time I'm really just someone that can be replaced in a heartbeat...

Yet a silent voice deep inside of me tells me it's not like that...that somewhere inside of you there is still love towards me... crazy how the heart works... it makes me soo confuse.... I just wish I knew what you are thinking...maybe even hoping I'm still there even if it's self-conscious unaware of it.

Look I just want to say I really love you and I miss you, but that I need to move on....I need to let go and this whole writing letter's to you seemed like the perfect way to say goodbye... yet it is still hard to let all of what we had go... I have sooo many memories I want to replay and relive again.. I want to just take the time and turned everything back... maybe just maybe I could've saved us...if only I knew then what I knew now....

Maybe I really could've made a change

From Me.