Diary of a Fat Black Girl

Convention Time

20th March:

I had a really boring day at school and I couldn’t wait to get home. As soon as I got home, I did my homework. I chilled in my room listening to music. I got into a calm mood and then I reached down into that box of memories and brought my new best friend out. One cut for the pain I felt. Another cut for the ache in my heart from unrequited love. Was it love? Was it just a big crush? I didn’t know. Whatever it was; it was hopeless. It had turned me into a self-harmer. It turned me into a freak.

My phone rang and I saw it was Darius. He asked me to come over. I had finished my homework so I told my mum that I was going next door quickly. I walked next door and knocked on the door. He answered the door and let me in.

“Are you okay?” He asked. I nodded but kept quiet.

“I want you to try something.” He told me. He led me to the kitchen. There was a toffee cheesecake on the counter.

“I hoped it turned out alright.” He said looking very nervous. I took a bit and put it in my mouth. I chewed it slowly and swallowed. I closed my eyes savouring the taste and worked out if it was good or not. I opened my eyes and saw Darius chewing his lip nervously. I burst out laughing. Tears streamed down my face and I couldn’t breathe.

“You should see the look on the face!” I exclaimed once I regained my breath.

“It’s really good though D. Thanks for doing this.” I told him seriously. He smiled at me and cut a slice for himself before leading the way back to the living room.

“I’m going to Ghana next week.” He told me.

“You’re going a week before Easter holidays? How come?” I asked him.

“My auntie’s getting married. I’ll be back for Holy Week though.” He replied. I nodded thoughtfully before standing up.

“I’d better get back. I’ll see you later.” I told him before walking back to my house.

23rd March:

Today was hilarious. At school, we kept on making beats and people were spitting bars but loads of people flopped or were just chatting shit. It was too much jokes. When I got home, Natalie was waiting in my room for me.

“Hey Ash, how was school today?” She asked me smiling.

“It was jokes.” I replied while changing into my shorts and a long-sleeved shirt.

“We’re going out in a minute so make sure you wear something that you don’t mind being seen in public with,” She warned me. I put on my trainers and went downstairs and poured myself a glass of water.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“You’ll see Ash; come on, let’s go.” She replied before pulling me out of the house.

We took the bus down to our old childhood hideout in our local park. “Why are we here Nat?” I asked. Just as I said it, Darius walked towards us. I looked at both of them in confusion.

“We need to talk.” Nat told me, her face suddenly serious as Darius sat down.

“What’s wrong guys? Why do you guys look so upset?” I asked.

“You’re upsetting us.” Darius said quietly. I turned to him in shock. Natalie took my hand and pulled up my sleeve. She pointed to the cuts that I had made in my skin.