Maybe I was just destined to be alone.
But maybe one day I might find someone - I won't get my hopes up.
All I know is that it's happened again. I put too much trust into someone and because the experience of having a friend is so rare to me, I fell head over heels, I dived straight in; head first and hit rock bottom and let the pain travel through my body but now I just feel it in my heart. I feel it where it hurts most.
I don't crave attention. I crave love and care. I crave a friend I know will always be there, I crave not to worry who I'll be with next. I crave happiness and an everlasting smile. Why does it have to be so hard to find happiness?
I look around me and on social media and everyone I see is just so damn happy. They all have friends... what do I have? If only there was someone out there to talk to and to feel my pain.
Idk.
I know I'm alone in this world.
My birthday is coming up and I don't even want to celebrate it. It's nearly 4 months away, that's still a while - I know. But not a lot can change in 4 months. The month before my birthday is part of the summer holidays... 6 weeks alone and seeing no one.
I always imagined I'll be happy with lots of friends and that I'd be popular. I never imagined things going this way, you know? I really don't know where it all went wrong. Where I went wrong.
My evenings are the same: lying in bed on my phone. My school holidays are the same: revise or go out with my family. My weekdays are the same: school and revise when I'm home. My weekends are the same: a dull Saturday and church on Sunday.
I try so damn hard for everyone but I never get the same back.
All I want is to be happy and to love myself.
