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Chapter Four

Connor's house is what you would consider a brick rancher, with white shutters on the windows and a wraparound porch. The walkway up to the porch steps is cobblestoned with various native flowers and bushes lining it. The rocking chairs on the porch face the street while the swing is set inward to save space it seems for the couple of small tables that are probably used to hold ice colds sweet teas. The welcome mat is a simple brown, scruffy mat perfect for scraping mud off before entering his abode. The front door is a simple white with brass knocker, but it is still intimidating to me.

I stand there silently trying to catch my breath, and slow my racing heart that feels like it is about to bust out of my chest. I feel excited, but also scared. The fear of what comes next is what is holding me still. The flickers of my past from earlier tonight fuel my fear. I look around nervously, thinking of every possible scenario right now. Thinking how tonight could change everything for me. Or, destroy me.

I feel like I have been standing here for hours, but really it has only been a couple of minutes. I start to shake off my reservations, but as soon as I go to knock on the door I hear laughter. No, I hear giggling. Female giggles cascading over the threshold. Anger rises up, but then shame quenches it. Connor and I are nothing, and I have no right to these emotions roller coasting over my body. Yet, I am disappointed. I struggle to keep some composure, and as I turn around to leave as quickly, if not more swiftly, than I arrived I trip over the welcome mat. I grasp the edge of a rocking chair that was close by to stop my fall, but it just topples over with me. The clatter brings silence. My knee and ankle throb with heat, but I attempt to pull myself together as I start to hear the front door unlock.

I am completely unprepared for what happens next. *Why did I come here in the first place?!?!?! I really do know better.*

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