Emotional

Chapter 5

Natalie and Owen went back to Erin's apartment. She figured Will and Jay needed some more time so she text him and let him know that she was with Erin and to just let her know when it was ok to come home.

Will woke up before Jay. He gently eased Jay off his shoulder and went to the kitchen to get a drink. He knew they still had to talk, but honestly it was not going to be an easy conversation. He wasn't sure either of them were really emotionally stable enough to have it after talking about his tours, but he knew they needed to. As the big brother it was his job to look out for Jay and take care of him. Which in this case meant making him talk no matter how unpleasant it was going to be.

He sat down on the couch and grabbed the photo album he'd dug out last night after Jay had text. He'd shown Nat and Owen all the different pictures, but now he just needed to look at them again. He saw the pictures of them as kids at the cabin, pictures of them with their mom, extended family pictures at the cabin. There weren't any of his father, and at this moment he was glad.

The further back he went, the older they got. He watched as he and Jay changed from kids to teenagers. Then the pictures changed to just individual pictures of them because they quit being in pictures together once Will went to med school and Jay joined the Army. The last two pictures were one of Will and their mom and the other was Jay and their mom. It was after she'd found out about the cancer.

Will had come home to see her before going back to New York. She was still good when he came home and they both looked happy in the picture. It was the last picture they'd taken together. The one of her and Jay was on his leave between tours. She was sicker, the cancer had spread and they had been told it was only a matter of time, but she was still smiling. Jay was the one to come home and take care of her. He'd always been her baby…

Jay had been the one to be there and do everything for her. She hated it too; she didn't think her kids should ever have to take care of her. No one had ever taken care of her, and she wasn't about to let her baby start. Jay would call him all hours of the day and night so mad and hurt that she was trying to shut him out. Will couldn't handle it; he couldn't handle any of it. So he stayed in New York and focused on school and parties and girls. It got to the point he quit answering Jay's calls and would just listen to the voicemails later.

When he went home for the funeral, he and Jay were barely speaking, and then Jay left the very next day for another tour. It wasn't until Jay had got out and Will moved back to Chicago for good, did they start to repair their relationship. Will stared at the last two pictures as tears gathered in his eyes.

"I'm sorry mama…. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I let you down and I let Jay down. I was supposed to take care of him, be there for him and I wasn't. I wasn't there for you either and I'm sorry." The tears fell hard and fast as the guilt ate at him. He'd let them down, but he was trying to do better.

"She never blamed you," Jay said quietly from the doorway to the living room. He'd woken up and Will wasn't around. He'd been afraid he'd left, but he heard him in the living room.

Will looked up wiping his eyes. "She should've. I let you both down. I should've been there…. I should've helped you and been there for her."

Jay nodded. He wasn't disagreeing on that point, but he also understood a little. "She never blamed you…. She would get so mad at me for blaming you too. She would tell me that you had to deal with everything your own way, and eventually you would come around." Jay walked over and sat down on the couch by Will looking at the pictures too. "And of course she was right… even if I didn't want to believe her then."

They both were quiet for a few minutes staring at the pictures. "Jay….. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I should've been there. Not just to help with mama, I should've been there for it all. I should've protected you better."