I stayed up until noon thinking about how Chason was right. I run away from my feelings. Nobody can help me if they dont know what is wrong. But, honestly, how can they help anyway? They havent gone through anything that I have gone through. And how can I trust anyone with this information? People like Chason dont know what its like to grow up without parents, not being able to play games with sibilings, or being passed from home to home because nobody wants to keep you and make you apart of their family. Being rejected hurts and eventually you just have to learn to shut it out, otherwise how would you be able to survive in this world that is full of rejection?
~Chason's POV~
I wanted to go back to her when she called after me. I wanted to go back to her and hold her and tell her it would all be okay. I wanted to let her know that I am here for her and I am willing to listen. I want her to know that she has a friend. I want her to know that she can come to me about anything.But, I also want her to be able to talk about her past and she was obviously not ready, so I decided as she was calling after me that I would give her some time and maybe by the next time she saw me, she would be ready to talk about it.
So while I am waiting for her to be ready, I am going to try to decifer the mess that is Harmony.
~Harmony's POV~
For the next couple of weeks I pretty much lived in my room. I barely went out to go to the bathroom let alone eat. I havent slept since Chason ran away. Every time I close my eyes I see his figure getting farther and farther away, it was like he was afraid, but I know he was just upset.
Ever since he ran away, I have been trying to come up with a way to tell him everything. I have decided that, since I can barely grasp my past myself, then he wont be able to either. I have no idea how to tell him anything.
After about 4 more hours of just sitting in my room, I finally decided on writing it down for him. Then since I couldnt sleep and since I have been sitting in my room for the past 2 weeks, I decided to go back to the coffee shop. It was about 3 in the morning when I got there. I got my coffee and sat in the corner booth again. After awhile, I closed my eyes to try to relax and shut my thoughts up.
~Chason' POV~
I saw her in the window. She was sitting in the corner again, her eyes closed, sitting very very still and she looked like hell. She had bags under her eyes, her hair hadnt been brushed, and she was in baggy sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt. It looked like she hadnt slept in weeks. What if she hadnt? And what if it was my fault? Would she even want to see me right now? Should I just walk away and pretend I didnt see her? Is she looking for me? Does she want to talk to me? I decided to take a chance, I walked into the shop. She didnt open her eyes when the bell went off, she didnt open her eyes when I ordered a coffee, she didnt even open her eyes when I sat across from her.
"Um hey, Harmony, are are you okay?"
"mmmhmm." Was her reply. Then she reached into her pocket of her oversized sweatshirt and pulled out an envelope. She slid it across the table and said, "Everything you want to know, sorry I cant say it to your face." then she got up and slowly made her way to the door and left. She never once opened her eyes.
I didnt know what she meant by 'Everything you need to know, sorry I couldnt say it to your face' until she was halfway down the street. I read the letter:
Chason,
Im sorry I couldnt say this to your face. Ive never told anyone in my entire life, not any of my Foster families or even any of my friends. I dont even know why I am telling you, probably because I know deep down that your right, I cant be helped of nobody knows my problems and Im tired of feeling soo alone. I need someone to know so here goes, I shut everyone out because I dont know how to be friends with anyone, I dont know how to NOT run from my feelings. I dont know how to open up. About three years ago my house caught on fire. It was tragic, nobody survived but me. My entire family is dead. I dont know what it feels like to be loved anymore. After they died every single feeling in my body went numb I havent felt loved or happy or excited in three years. All I feel is uncontrolable sadness. I dont know how to be happy. Im sorry that I cant open up, Im sorry I didnt tell you what was bothering me on the walk the other night and most of all Im sorry I let you get away. When I was walking with you, I felt a tiny burst of happiness for the first time in three years. When I saw that fire in front of us, I thought if I could just turn around then I might be able to breathe again but you asked if I was okay and I couldnt lie but I couldnt tell you the truth either and I didnt want you to see me cry so I hid i hid from you I. my shell where I hide from everyone. AND for that I am sorry. I dont know what else you want to hear so here ya go.
~ Harmony
Wow.I didnt know what to do but I couldnt let her get away so I ran out of the coffee shop and tried to find her. I finally found her at the park down the street. I went and sat on the swing next to her and for a minute, the silence felt just right. I went and stood in front of her. I tilted her head up so I could see her eyes, they were bloodshot like she had been crying for 2 weeks.
"Im sorry. I-Im sorry." It was all I could think of to say in that moment, but that was okay because she nodded her head and I pulled her up, off the swing and into my arms.And there we stood, for hours, just lost in the embrace.
