The Impossible Lovers

Chapter Two: Missing Her

Chapter Two: Missing Her

How long has it been? Really I'd like to know. I lost count because I decided counting only made the loneliness worse.

Then again, I wasn't truly alone. I had traveled with Martha for some time. That was fun, and I got to see Captain Jack and the Master again. They eventually left, and I was alone again.

Then I bumped into Donna Noble again. She was a good mate and I enjoyed her by my side, but none of these people made up for Clara. Not even seeing my Sarah Jane Smith again. Or getting to see Rose Tyler one last time.

That was all nice, but they all left me. They always do. This time I was prepared though. I knew I didn't want anyone to grow really close with. If I did, then I'd feel like I was betraying Clara.

I also met this Professor named River Song on a recent adventure with Donna. She seemed to know me from my future, and to be honest I'm a little frightened of her. She seems to know so much, it stinks that the very first time I met her she died. Oh well, the universe hates me in that way. There was this little girl at the library, well not really- it's complicated, and she reminded me of Clara. I had finally to get rid of the heart aches and he brought it right back. It was like my Clara sent an angel to protect me.

No one ever came close to being like Clara. No one COULD ever come close to my love for Clara. No matter how many years and adventures passed, my heart never healed. They always told me that time healed everything. Well it's been so long that I can't count the years, how come I still am wounded?

In fact I don't know how long it was since I'd seen any of my companions. I started becoming more isolated toward the end of that life. I knew it was coming, I knew it for a while. I was told "he would knock four times", and although I was unaware of what that meant I knew I was going to die. I really didn't want to go. Not without saying goodbye.

And so I did, I said goodbye to all of them: Sarah Jane, Martha, Mickey, Rose- who didn't know who I was yet, Jack, but not Clara. I couldn't bring myself to it. How could I say goodbye to the love of my lives before they even knew me. Suddenly I felt like River in the library. Maybe I did eventually grow to love someone else, but as long as I was still myself, it would always be Clara.

I felt my time growing nearer to an end. I wanted to see her one last time, but before I knew it I couldn't.

My two broken hearts and my old body would be the death of me. Now all I had to do was wait. And I that's what I did, I waited by myself for the four knocks. Then I would leave. I said my goodbyes and I was ready for a new start. Hopefully one with less sadness. That's what I really wanted- to be happy this reiteration. And that's what I got as I said my final plea for staying as closed my eyes, extending my head back allowing the great mass of energy to take over.

And then I was Eleven. A new face, with the same broken hearts. It hadn't worked.