Not So Perfect//Phan

05

*Dan*

I Flinch at the sound of the door slamming shut, quickly scrambling to turn off my music to try and not catch her attention anymore than I already would.

"Where is that little shit?! " hear her yell from downstairs.

I pull my knees to my chest and squeeze my eyes track, praying that this is just some horrible dream, just like I do every time.The tears threatened to fall, knowing what's about to come. But I hold them in.

"Ana? What's wrong?" I hear my dad's scared voice trying to comfort her.

"What's wrong?! One of my co-workers told me that she saw your son holding hands with another boy!" I hear her yell, her voice going up the stairs and banging on my eardrums.

"Okay, okay. Why don't we talk about it in the living room? " My dad's voice is closer, meaning Ana is closer.This thought makes my whole body shake.

I hear the footsteps getting closer, my body shaking anymore.

The footsteps suddenly stop outside my door.

"Did you know about this?!" She screams at him.

."W-well I mean, so what if they were h-holding hands? That doesn't necessarily m-mean-"His words are cut off when my door swings open violently, the door knob hitting the wall and punching a hole in it.

A serious-looking Ana stomps towards me, picking me up off my bed by my hair and bringing me up only inches from her face. She smells of beer and sweat, make me gag.

I Look at my dad standing helplessly in the doorway. He pulls out his phone to call the police but I croak out a weak no but he runs out of the room and all I can do is hope he heard me. If the police show up we're all in deep shit.

"I will not have a faggot living in my house, you got that?!" she screams in my face, leaving her spit on my cheeks. "I didn't raise a fucking queer and if you're choosing this disgusting lifestyle you can find your own place to live." She says, throwing me onto the ground.

I want to yell back at her that she didn't raise me at all, But I know that would be a bad idea.

"Get up you piece of shit​ "she says, kicking in the stomach.

Stand up quickly, despite the excruciating pain, wave of dizziness, and intense urge to hurl out the contents of my stomach, which isn't much to begin with.

"Now, are we clear?" She says, in a slightly quieter voice but still sounding angry.

"I'm not gay. I j-just he was - we were at the bridge and I was just holding his hand while we crossed the bridge, because I was afraid he was going to jump off. " I stumble out the first lie I can come up with. I feel bad for turning this around on him, but I didn't really have any other choice.

The look in her eyes seems to grow even darker, more evil then she punches me Square in the eye.

I stumbled backwards, my leg hitting the bed and I on tfall backo it.

Ana lets out a loud, angry breath and Stomps out of my room, slamming the door shut behind her, causing the door hinge to make a cracking sound. I listen to her stomp down the stairs, my dad calling after her and the front door slamming once again.

I stay laying on my bed, not having the energy to get up at this point.

I hear quiet footsteps and then my door creaking open. I don't freak out. I don't even look, knowing that it's only my dad this time.

The bed sinks down next to me and I can feel my dad's and Gaze on me, I still don't look up th

"I heard what you said," he says. I don't look up at him. "Is that really what happened? Were you really worried about him? "He Heys, emphasizing the word him.

I stay silent, trying to decide if I should tell him the truth or not. I finally decide there's really no point in hiding it.

"No," I say simply, not elaborating.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see my dad nod. And I know that he knows the truth. That I couldn't have come up with that lie on the spot, that it had to have come from somewhere. And I know that he knows. And I know that he understands.

"This boy really seems to care about you," he says after a minute of Silence.

I don't say anything.

"You don't find many of those nowadays. Hold on to that." He says, putting his hand on my shoulder in the same place that Phil had just hours before.

Tears to my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall in front of my father.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

I think about it for a second.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I have like, not wanting to get into it at the moment. "Are you?" I asked him, finally looking up to meet his eyes.

"Yeah." He says with a small smile. He Pats my shoulder before getting up and walking out, closing the door gingerly behind him.

I stay on my bed for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling and not wanting to ever move. That familiar in my chest get stronger, stronger, but I try to ignore it. I can lay here for a few more minutes. But then the ever so familiar it's on my wrist starts to present itself.

I finally push myself off my bed slowly, walking out of my room into the bathroom.

Locking the door behind me, I reach up into the medicine cabinet and grab a bottle of aspirin. I drop 3 into my hand and swallowed them with water from the sink to get rid of my searing headache.

Then I reach under the sink to grab the key to my special box. I stare at the box for a minute, every nerve in my body aching and begging me to open it. Begging me to slide the blade across my wrist and let the blood lick my skin.

Every nerve in my hand is trying to push me to stick the key in the box and open it.

But I don't.

I put the box back and the key under the sink, the rich still so powerful that it makes me want to cry and puke, but I walk out of the bathroom and leave behind.

Instead, I pick up my phone and hold it in my hands for a few minutes. I contemplate texting Phil wondering if he'd and be willing to talk to me. Considering how late it is.

I decide to give it a shot, I really need a friend right now.

Hey can I call you?

Without getting a text in response, my phone starts ringing immediately. I smile and answer it.

"Hey." I say, my voice coming out husky as if I had been crying.

"Hey. Is everything okay?" Phil's voice on the other end sounds slightly worried.

"Oh, yeah." I lie, not really wanting to get into it, just kind of meeting a friend.

"Can you, uh, can you just distract me for a little while? " I asked, hoping he won't ask anymore questions.

And he doesn't.

"Of course," he says, still sounding slightly worried, but going off and talking about music he listens to and movies he's watched recently and how awesome lions are. Just kind of rambling on about random the things while I laugh along with him, I'm amazed at how one person could have so much to say about nothing in particular.

He also talks about his first experience he had with a girl and how totally awkward it was. He also talked about his first experience with a boy, which shocked me, I don't know why. He told me that he is 100% gay And that the thought of doing anything with a girl at this point, other than Sarah Michelle Gellar of course, just sounds gross to him. I laugh at how comfortable he was talking about this with me. Having only known me for a few days.

After about an hour, we say goodnight and hang up. I Smile as I start to fall asleep, thinking that for the first time in a long time, things might actually be okay.

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