jimin's mother returned home from work with the slam of her blue purse and a long sigh. she placed her hand on her forehead and sighed, rubbing her temple and leaning against the counter. she noticed jimin standing there and gave him a small, obviously fake smile that jimin had been seeing since work became tough and the pills became low.
"mom, i have something to tell you." jimin says nervously, moving from his place at the back door towards his mother's bone-thin figure. she rolled her eyes as jimin passed the slab of wallpaper where the mirror used to be.
"it can't wait? i just got home." she states. she walks over to the cabinet and pulls out her bottle of vodka. it's not like she tried to hide her drug habits anymore.
"no, it's kind of important. please?" his mother reluctantly nods and takes a swig of the bottle. jimin studies over her and tries to imagine what she would look like as a stranger. frizzy black hair lined with silver streaks, a pudgy nose and sunken in cheeks. she was still wearing her pink nurse uniform, patterned with cartoon ducks.
"fine, but make it quick." he nods and apprehensively pulls out a chair from the spruce dining room table. she pulls out a seat of her own and sighs, closing her dark circle-covered eyes. she takes off her square spectacles that were resting on the bridge of her nose and looks at her son.
"well, go on, what is it? i have t got all day." jimin nods, knowing his mother isn't a very patient woman, but he can't find the right words. he's the one sighing, now, swirling an ice cube around in his lemonade glass he had poured earlier.
"well, i..." his voice trails off. he knows exactly what to say, but not how to say it. his mother looks more agitated than usual as she runs a hand through her untamed hair.
"i'm..."
"i'm gay, mom."
the words came out like a broken rollercoaster; shaky. though he had a calm tone, it sounded like he was screaming. his mother's face remained expressionless, and that scared him more than anything.
his mother usually had one set emotion and he could always figure out what it was, but not this time. this time was different. she was always angry or sad, never really happy unless she acted it. she never was good at hiding her emotions, though.
but that day, it seemed as though she had none. she didn't even twitch. her eyes didn't go wide, her mouth didn't drop open. she didn't slam her fists on the table or quietly sob like he had seen her do so many times before. she only sat in silence there, one hand on the table, one tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
the silence and stillness lasted for exactly thirty seconds before her hand cracked across jimin's face.
he automatically clutched it in pain, his mouth wide open with the shock his mother should've expressed just a moment before. tears began welling up in his eyes, but he dare not let them fall; he didn't want to seem weaker than he already was.
"you're not gay." she said quietly. "you just haven't found the right girl yet. it's only a phase."
she stands up from her place at the table abruptly and faces away from her son.
"but until you realize that, i will not be your mother, and you will not be my son."
"mom, wait-" his words did nothing and his mother continued up the stairs quietly.
he sat their alone and cried for a long time.
it was the first time his mother had ever hit him, and the first time he truly felt helpless.
