W I N T E R

Take This Life

She gave up, the days that followed. She left the room once, to observe the courtyard of Asgard's palace. Her mind became more of a disaster the more she let it go. Her thoughts roamed in her memories, and she relived her horrible past over and over again. Loki came to see her three days after the anger had attempted to control her mind. He slipped into the room as she lay in a dream-state, waiting for her to wake. She didn't see him, didn't notice him sitting in the corner of the bedroom. Oleald simply sat, her head in her hands upon the bed. Had Loki been closer, he would have seen the tears that dripped from her eyes. Still, the forlornness of the situation tugged at him. Finally, he spoke the words on his mind, softly. She jumped at his voice, and looked up at him. 

"Have you forsaken the form that tried to kill me? You hardly seem the type to sit still for so long."

Oleald shook her head, and stood from the bed. He saw her face fully, and her eyes made his heart twinge. Her voice soft, she spoke.

"I can't. It will take over, no matter how hard I try. I can't live with it anymore. I was trained to accept the darkness, they said it would help me. What if I don't want to kill anymore? What is the use of having a life if I can not control the anger within? Loki, I implore to you for more mercy. Take this life away from me, or I will just make things worse."

Her words shocked him into a silence. He would do no such thing, no matter the fact she had attempted to kill him not too long ago. He didn't respond to her request, only asked a question in response. 

"They...will you tell me who they are now? Perhaps, then I can help you overcome this."

Oleald let her head drop, closing her eyes. 

"It is too hard to put into words. I will show you."

Oleald leaned forward, placing her hands around the back of his neck. She pulled his head downward, to her height. She rested her forehead against his, and let the memories leap from her mind into his. Loki's surroundings disappeared, and her memories engulfed him. Together, the two lived through them, looking through Oleald's eyes.

Darkness, then light. Bright, blinding light. The gray, weathered face of The Creator. Grynn. A feeling of  warmth, a feeling of compassion and love. It flowed through her like a river, and the memories of her people were placed within her. Grynn spoke to her of the darkness, then. 

"The Skaxian people are a great race, though we are blessed with a curse. The darkness, the rage. It flows through all, and consumes many. There are few ways to control it. Some are able to completely suppress the darkness. However, it takes many years, and the love of others. Young one, I hope you will never feel the wrath of the darkness. Some of our kind are able to eradicate the anger by surrounding themselves with those who love them, and in return loving others. The love, above anything else, keeps the darkness at bay. However, once the darkness has its hold over you, there is little chance of escape. You will work to suppress the anger, young one. I have no doubt you will do well. Welcome to the world, the youngest of my Immortal Guardians."

Her younger years flew by. The darkness was kept at bay, and she never dealt with it. The love from Grynn and her siblings was enough to do so. 

When Thor attacked, she felt the dark callings for the first time. She felt every blow dealt to her siblings, and to Grynn. She felt the life ebb from them, watched them die. She felt her tutor and friend pass from her life as though she were a cloud. The love she had felt for so long had been ripped from her so quickly, and the rage within her began to awaken. 

Pain, weakness, darkness, cold. 

Every lashing, every blow. So many she was dealt, that her gray skin was no longer visible. Just the pure torment of bruised skin. Every lashing hurt like ten thousand devils, yet she survived each blow. She bore the scars that the whip left with a mixed sense of shame and prowess. They were a part of her training, part of what she became in those cold months in Jotunheim. She gave up her soft ways, let go of herself. It wasn't long before she transformed into the cold assassin. The darkness took over completely, governed her every action. She thought and felt nothing. All she knew was her loyalty to Jotunheim the missions she was assigned. The darkness laughed at its victims, bathed in the kill. Every scar upon her bare skin only reminded her of the need for the darkness. It reminded her that she lived for the kill, and only for the kill.

Darkness, soft words. Inhale, Exhale, Repeat.

Light, anger, kill. 

A sense of belonging, relief at being accepted. A friendship bloomed there, in her time among the Avengers. A feeling she hadn't felt in so long, so long that she wasn't sure what it was anymore. Confusion. Was it love? Or something less? She felt a slight sense of regret at leaving.

Light, anger, complete the mission, complete the kill.

Her senses tampered with, the darkness suppressed. What she had experienced before had not been love, no it had been far from love. This, this was different. She no longer sought to kill. She sought attention, sought to no longer be alone. Sharp heartbeats, and the pounding in her head. No, that hadn't been love. This, this was love. Yet it was fruitless love, far from mutual. She was a thing to be scared of. She was an assassin still, no matter where her mind was at. No one could love her as she was. She was a machine, trained and modified to killed. She wouldn't be loved again, not in this lifetime. She was too far gone for that. 

Too far gone. She wasn't worth the air she was breathing. She was unpredictable, able to turn into a monster and kill without shame in an instant. No one could love. All anyone could do was be afraid. She was alone in her fight, alone in her life.

Take this life, I don't want it anymore. Spare me the suffering, set me free. Show me mercy and let me fly with my wings unfurled once more. Let me join my father and my siblings. Let me go to where I will be loved once more. Take this life, and set the last Skaxis free. 

Loki pulled away from Oleald, realizing the tears that fell from his eyes. He gazed upon the figure that had fallen to the ground in front of him, a mixture of emotions playing in his mind. She was on her knees, bowed over. She sobbed, quietly. No sound emitted from her mouth. Loki knelt, and gently pulled her into his arms. She didn't protest, she fell into his embrace quietly. She buried her head in his chest, whispering a single word. It broke Loki's heart.

"Please."