Just Me You And This Box Of Matches

Chapter 16: Bisexual Arsonist and Cohort: the Final Adventure

“No,” says Louis.

            “I haven’t even said anything yet,” says Harry. His voice is muffled and strangely robotic through the gas mask strapped across his face.

            “I don’t need you to say anything,” says Louis, “the answer is already no. Did you 

steal

this?”

            “Borrowed,” says Harry. “So I've prepared a speech-“

            “The answer’s 

still 

no-“

            “Roleplaying can be an integral part of a healthy relationship,” Harry intones, measured like he’s 

practiced 

it, and yes, Jesus Christ, sure enough, Louis can see the pink notecards stacked neatly on the couch cushion to his right. “It can lead to exciting new developments in the otherwise stagnant life of a growing couple-“

            “Whose relationship are you calling 

stagnant- 

we’re 

not even dating-“

“I’m getting mixed signals from you, Louis,” says Niall. He’s in the chair across the room, holding a book absently in his lap and watching them with big eyes.

            “I’d appreciate it if we didn’t have an audience for this, Niall,” Harry says, voice metallic. His rubber gloves squeak as he fumbles them into an index finger pointing at Niall’s chest. “This is a very personal development in me and Louis’ relationship-“

            “We’re not even 

dating-“

“You’re in the living room,” points out Niall. “It’s a common space.”

            Harry’s face is impossible to make out past the yellow rubber and the dull gas mask, but Louis can tell from his robotic tone that he’s frowning. “

You’re 

in the living room too.”

            “Yeah- because it’s a 

common space-“

“This is my own house,” says Harry.

            “It’s an apartment, actually,” says Niall.

            “

You don’t actually live here,” 

says Louis, “it’s not your own 

anything-“

“Shit, I lost my place,” says Harry, and knocks over the stack of notecards with a fumbling thick-gloved hand. The hose to his gas mask swings dangerously with the turn of his head. “Role-playing is- a way to introduce safely introduce fun fantasies into an area of the relationship that may have become rote with the passage of time-“

            “Are you talking about sex?” asks Niall, and then, to Louis, “I think he’s talking about sex.”

            “-and to make it more fun and less of a chore to spend some time in the bedroom-“

            “-

bedroom, 

see, see, he’s talking about sex. This isn’t family room appropriate, I don’t want him in my apartment-“