Suddenly

Doubt

Sometime, after Grace had finally opened up to her friends, the bubble around the three of them popped. The real world outside of the house demanded attention. They couldn't hide in Hannah's tiny house forever.

"I've got a few meetings I've got to go to this morning." Grace overheard Mamrie whisper to Hannah. "Are you going to be okay?"

She didn't quite hear Hannah's reply. It made her feel guilty. The old habit of anxiety induced self loathing raced through her body. She tried to push the feeling away, they had told her they were there for her, she couldn't push them away.

"Grace?" Hannah's soft voice broke her thoughts. The shorter woman was watching her carefully, as if watching a caged animal. "You okay?"

Grace gave her a tight smile, anxiety still clawed at her insides and she didn't quite trust herself to speak just yet. She hated this feeling, the feeling of the whole world against her. It had taken her over more than once in her life and she had spent so much time trying to dig herself back out of her own hole.

"I messaged my friend, Casey, she gave me the names of a couple lawyers that might be able to help you." Hannah spoke without looking Grace in the eye. "I didn't give her the whole story of course."

The older woman nodded, a familiar nervousness began to also take root in the pit of her stomach. She was going to have to speak to multiple people before she got the right one to help her. Just the thought of telling the story over and over made her lightheaded.

"I, umm, do you need anything? I know you don't have many clothes and you mentioned Ayla would be needing supplies."

The idea of going into town and actually shopping now frightened Grace. She felt the resolve she had built up before begin to break.

"H-Han..." her voice trailed off as her breathing began to quicken. She knew what this was, and she cursed it's timing.

Somehow, like a pro, Hannah was there. She silently put a reassuring hand on Grace's shoulder, then led her to the living room couch. Goose, who had been preoccupied with watching over a sleeping Ayla, immediately came to lay at the feet of her owner.

Hannah had always been one of the best when dealing with Grace's panic attacks. She never pushed, she never tried to hurry things along. No, she remained the calm and constant that Grace needed during those moments to keep her anchored.

"Grace, listen." She whispered soothingly. "Listen to my voice, you are okay, okay? Focus on me, and focus on breathing slowly. There you go."

Luckily, this time it did not develop into a full blown attack. Grace was grateful for her friend's quick thinking and calm demeanor.

When she finally stabilized her breathing, she shot her friend an appreciative smirk. "Thanks, Hannah."

The shorter woman just brushed her off. "No biggie."

The two of them lapsed into a silence that was only broken by the deep breathing of the monstrous dog at their feet.

"Do you, you know, wanna tell me what happened there?"

Grace blushed slightly. She nodded her head, but offered not explanation for a moment.

Again, Hannah wasn't one to rush.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime of silence, Grace cleared her throat.

"It's just all so real."

Hannah understood. She couldn't imagine the thoughts rushing through her friend's head right now. Grace had never been one to properly deal with feelings. Repression was much easier. To see her so open and raw almost scared Hannah.

"I just keep thinking, what if not one believes me? What if he makes me out to be the bad guy? And they take Aylie from me? She will never survive with just him. Hell, she barely knows him!" Grace's words were rushed and broken by sobs that began to wrack her body.

The shorter woman said nothing. At that moment, she really wasn't sure what would be the right words. Grace had never been the kind to accept false hope and bullshit reassurance. She could not sit here and tell her that this was going to be easy, that Josh wouldn't fight dirty, that her heart may not get broken in the process as her name gets raked over coals. No, she knew all she could do was be there emotionally for her friend.

"We've got this, Grace." Hannah mumbled, she tried to sound reassuring.

The blonde gave a pathetic sniffle as she raised her eyes to meet Hannah's. "I don't even know why you are helping me. I have been a shit person for the last two years. Maybe this is all what I deserve."

A pang of hurt rushed through Hannah's chest. She couldn't say that she had never agreed with Grace. When she just abandoned their friendship to move away with her husband, she had hated her. It had felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and stomped on the ground. Grace had been her friend for a long time, it made it seem like she didn't matter, and wasn't worth keeping around.

Though, when Grace and Ayla showed up on her doorstep last night, everything changed. Sure, there was still residual feelings of hurt, but something inside Hannah clicked and she knew she needed to help her friend no matter what. It broke her heart to see Grace cry. It scared her to think of the hell she and Ayla had endured over the last couple years.

"You did, and I've made peace with it. I was made for a long time." Hannah told her slowly. "But, you know me, I'm not good a grudges. Plus, I kinda like Ayla. And if having her around meanings having you around, I guess I can take that deal."

She gave Grace a playful nudge. Both girls burst into giggles.

Grace thought about how it felt good to laugh again without worry of upsetting her husband. It felt liberating.

It felt like something she never wanted to stop doing again.