Suddenly

Flashback: Test

"No, no, no!" Grace whispered over and over to herself as she fumbled around the dark bathroom.

She knew she needed try her best to stay quiet. Her husband had only gone to sleep twenty minutes ago, or had been more of a fight to get him down than her one year old. What else was new.

At least Ayla was tucked away tightly in her crib. If she had awoken during the night's arguments, she hadn't made it known. Grace doubted it would be the first time. Ayla was smart, for a baby. She seemed to know when to stay quiet.

God bless her.

It just wasn't fair, but really, what was fair anymore?

Grace sighed as she leaned back against the counter, her hands digging for a cotton ball to place over her bleeding lip.

How was she going to explain this one to Tatiana?

Bless Tati, the girl was a godsend, but then again, it would have been nice to not have to worry about someone seeing something they shouldn't.

"Where did I put it?" Grace mumbled aloud to herself.

She knew she had left a tiny box of tests under the sink months ago. There had been one scare since Ayla was born, luckily nothing had come of it.

They should have been more careful.

She snorted into the silent bathroom. Josh, careful? That bastard only cared about one thing when it came to sex. His own pleasure. She had just learned to lie there and take it. Thankfully it usually never lasted long.

She had learned a long time ago that resisting would only make things worse.

Cynically, she thought how much this would please Josh's stupid parents. They had wanted Ayla to come out a boy so badly. When she did come out, pink, screaming and undenyingly female, they had lost much of their interest in her baby. Girls didn't carry on family names.

Honestly, Grace had been happy for their lack of interest. It kept Josh's insufferable mother from continuing to show up unannounced at her door with unsolicited advice and 'motherly wisdom'. No, she hadn't seen Celia since Christmas two months ago. It could stay that way for all she cared.

Celia Housely had never seemed to shy away from showing her dislike for her daughter-in-law. In fact, she had openly berated her in front of some stuffy upper East Side tea she had somehow coerced her into attending.

Nothing Grace ever did was enough. And having the audacity to give birth to a girl, rather than a boy, had severed whatever thin ties that had remained. Grace wasn't even sure if Celia had actually held Ayla beyond that time at Christmas for a photo op.

Celia was never one to not pretend to be a big happy family.

Ted Housely, on the other hand, was a bit different. He seemed to show genuine interest in Ayla, as long as Celia wasn't present.

Grace never told a soul of the times the usually stuffy business man had showed up at her door, with an armful of bright pink packages for his granddaughter. He would even get down in the floor and play with her. It had started as quite an odd sight, but Grace had come to appreciate the blossoming relationship. She hoped Ayla would have at least one person in the Housely family she could count on one day.

The last Housely, Janelle, was probably as bad as her mother. The younger woman constantly put Grace down when they were together. Secretly, Grace was quite aware that the woman had wanted Josh to fail so she could step in and take over the family business. She too had backed off somewhat since Ayla had come out a girl, but she was still nasty to Grace when they were together.

Grace sighed in the dark bathroom. Did she really want to go through all of that again?

And if her next child did come out a boy?

He would be the golden child of the Housely clan, and Ayla, her sweet, perfect Ayla would be swept aside like yesterday's trash.

It made her heart hurt to picture her daughter growing up in that sort of environment.

Blinking back rapidly forming tears, Grace finally dug out the plastic test she had stashed in the back of the counter.

Quickly, and without thinking too much, she took the test and sat it facedown on the counter.

After a moment, the soft cries of her daughter broke the stillness of the night. It brought her back to reality.

A quick glance at the clock told her it was 3am, the last few weeks Ayla had been waking up at this time every night, in need of some special mother/daughter time. It wasn't that Grace minded in the slightest, she was happy to allow her daughter the comfort of nursing as long as she wanted, it was just ironic that she chose the exact moment the test would be finished to call out for her mother.

Grace knew she needed to get to Ayla quickly, before her soft whimpers woke her surly father. She gave one last fleeting glance to the upside down test on the counter and headed to her first born.

"Morning, love," she whispered softly to the groggy little girl.

Ayla stood patiently at the rail of her bed, used to the routine. Grace gently lifted her to her chest, then settled the two of them in the glider beside the window.

As Ayla went about her business, Grace let herself get lost in thought. Her mind souley on that stupid test in the other room.

Could she even do this again for a second time?

Ayla had pretty much been a perfect child, could lightning really strike twice with another?

How could she possibly be able to keep two kids quiet during Josh's random explosions?

She sighed deeply, it just wasn't fair.

After a while, Ayla shifted in her arms. In the low light of the pink and gold nursery, Grace could see her daughter's face staring up at her.

"What do you think about a baby brother or sister? Hmm?" She whispered, almost afraid Josh would hear her.

The tiny little girl cocked her head to the side in a confused manner. Of course she didn't understand.

"Momma doesn't know what to think."

"Momma?" Ayla asked.

Grace smiled down at her. "Is that an affirmation?"

The little girl smiled back, her white teeth catching the light.

It made Grace's heart substantially lighter.

"Maybe we can do this, Aylie?"