"Reports are pouring in of 2 strange hooded figures seen roaming the streets of Youghal County Cork late last night. Witnesses say the pair were wearing masks to hide their identities, one being that of beloved Dreamworks character Shrek, the other being that of controversial actor Shia Labeouf. Both were heard chanting "We will bathe in the blood of the outdated memes" repeatedly. Onlookers became horrified when the pair began to dab violently, an action which is known to be very sexual and provocative. Gardaí arrived on the scene minutes later, but unfortunately were unable to track down the offenders. If anyone has any information regarding last night's events, please contact your local Garda station immediately."
Nathan changed the station on his TV, a glum look upon his face.
"These people are highly dangerous. If you see them, do not approach them. They may be armed. We do not know their motives at this present time, but what we do know is that they have committed a series of unspeakable crimes against humanity. The mentioning of memes, public display of meme-related icons, the dabbing. All serious crimes. However, there is no need to panic. As always, we will catch the culprits. We will bring justice to this world, and we will finally be rid of these god forsaken memers. Once and for all."
Nathan rolled his eyes and turned his TV off altogether. He was sick of hearing about all the meme scandals. Day after day, there were new stories surfacing about groups of people coming together to defend their beloved memes. Nate was once like those people....a lover. A believer. A memer. He had the best memes. The dankest. He closed his eyes and thought back to those simpler times, the times when all he had to worry about was finding fresh memes, and the JC.
But no. Those days were over. Nate began to tear up but he did not cry. The memes were not worth crying over. Not now. Even though they caused him a lot of pain and heartache, he was strong. However, he did begin to cry when the Shed Lads came to mind. He hadn't thought about them for a long time, ever since....that day....
It was a rainy Friday back in July, karaoke night for The Shed Lads, a weekly tradition. The theme that week was 'Favourites.' Moss was up first with "Come Out Ye Black and Tans." He waved the Irish flag proudly above his head. Next up was Erika, with "All-Star." Angelic. Afterwards, Jack stepped up to sing "I Want it That Way" and boy did he deliver. Vasil continued the night with his rendition of Beyonce's "Put a Ring On It." And last but not least was Nate. He sang "Sexual Healing" and had everybody in tears at the end.
Except for Moss. The bastard.
"That was shit Nate," he said in an expressionless tone.
Everyone laughed, thinking he was joking, as he always did. But when they saw how serious he looked, the laughter stopped. He wasn't joking this time.
"Moss you're such a pleb," Jack stated and everyone nodded, "Nate's voice is beautiful and you must be blind if you don't agree."
"Don't you mean deaf?"
"Yeah....that....but that's beyond the point. The point is, Nate is a majestic centaur sent from the heavens to cloak us in his luscious mane."
"Oh here we go again with the majestic crap. I'm sick of it. Nate, your memes are shit, your voice is terrible, and I suddenly have the urge to shave off your hair!"
"Moss why do you have to be such a meanie bow beanie?" Erika shouted angrily.
"I can shave your hair off too if you want Erika? You want to be fully committed to your Eleven cosplay. Fake fan otherwise."
"Hey you stole that from me!" Nate yelled and got up to stand infront of Moss. The two were inches from each other, their noses almost touching. They stared into one another's eyes for what felt like forever.
"Guys, it's been 10 minutes, you finished staring? Come on. Snap out of it. Snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity, oh there goes Rabbit-" Nate and Moss immediately snapped out of their trance and back into reality.
"A rabbit? Where?" Nate asked curiously.
"Don't change the subject. Now, what were we talking about?" Moss asked.
Nobody answered because nobody wanted the tension to continue.
"I have a new meme..." Nate whispered.
"Show us, you always have the best memes!" Erika smiled.
"Ugh, if you love Nate and his memes that much why don't you just marry him?" Moss spit.
"Heheheh," said Jack.
"Stop guys. Just because he sorta has strawberry blonde hair, (kinda but not really), doesnt't mean he's the one the medium was on about!"
"Vasil you haven't said one word this whole time! Moss pointed out, and not to his surprise, Vasil was in the corner on his phone, "You're texting Aoife aren't you?"
"Actually, we've been in a call for 12 hours. She's been listening this whole time," Vasil said.
Moss shook his head. "Get out of here ya goose."
So Vasil happily did as he was told. What a good boy.
"Let's go guys," Erika whispered to Jack and Nate while Moss was distracted.
"That was such a careless whisper, Erika," Moss turned around and caught them heading towards the back door.
"Fuck off Moss!" The three of them shouted at the same time, and at that moment they felt powerful. So powerful that it flung Moss across the room, giving them enough time to get out. They thought it was over. Until later that night.
Ding. A message from The Shed Lads. It was Moss. The message read: If you guys ever have a Shed Lads meetup again, I will do something you don't want me to do. I will add some people into the chat that you don't want me to add. Remember the world's greatest artist? Yeah me too. Now, you're probably thinking this isn't so bad. But there's another catch. I will reveal all of your secrets. ALL OF THEM. And as an added bonus, I'll change our names back to their normal selves. I will be Anthony, not Moss. Erika will be Erika, not Mother E. Jack will be Jack, not Makako. Nathan will be Nathan, not The MajesticGod. Vasil will be Vasil, not Vasladimir. So guys, what will it be? Give up the Shed Lads forever? Or feel my wrath?
As you can guess, the Shed Lads died that day, it became non existent. And as Nate thought about that day, he took out his phone and scrolled through the old messages in the group. A tear rolled down his cheek. It was time to get the gang back together.
