My Greatest Mistake

7. The Day After

Fear. Anxiety. Nervousness. That weird feeling you get, where your stomach is all fluttery and you feel vaguely nauseous but nothing is actually wrong so all you can do is just sit and wait it out. 

Cas was very familiar with these feelings. It's rather easy enough to understand why. Raphael was certainly not the most understanding of guardians, nor was he one to share emotions, and Cas had spent many nights wondering what his relationship with Raphael was like, whether or not any damage that had been done could be repaired, or even whether any damage had been done at all.

And yet now, Cas found he couldn't care less about what Raphael thought of him. The only opinion that dominated his thoughts was that of Dean Winchester. Were they friends now? Acquaintances? If they were friends, would that extend into school? What about math? How would Dean react when Cas walked in? What were his real thoughts around last night? Was he just pretending to have a good time? Was did he think of Cas's family? What did he think of Cas?

Castiel was realizing he thought far too much.

"Cas! Oh my God, I'm so sorry about math class. Can you forgive me?" Anna barrelled up the hallway to where Cas was distractedly putting his books in his locker. She stopped just short of him, with wide, pleading eyes.

"What's there to forgive? Honestly," he added, as Anna opened her mouth to protest, "it really wasn't that big of a deal. It's about time I got a detention anyways."

"Wait, hold up. That was your first detention?" Anna stared incredulously at him as they headed to their classroom. Blushing, Cas nodded in agreement, grinning like a maniac internally as he realized Anna actually cared about his forgiveness. It was nice, he decided, to have what he hoped was a friend.

"Cas!" 

Eyes wide, Cas looked around the room and found Dean waving his arm. 

"Thank God you're here," Dean started as Cas sat down. "I can't remember if I thanked you for dinner last night and I realized I didn't have your number so I couldn't text you and honestly Sam and I had such a good time thank you so much he really needed to get out and socialize I swear that kid'll get to Harvard if he doesn't work himself to death first." 

Dean had said this all in a big swoosh of breath, and was now blushing frantically from both lack of air and embarrassment. "But I mean," he shrugged offhandedly, "it wasn't a big deal or anything, right? Your brothers weren't mad we destroyed your kitchen?"

"Ah, heck," Cas said, almost as bright red as Dean. "It really wasn't a big deal. We do that a lot - it's just nice to have an even number of players. I know everyone enjoyed you and Sam being there. Really," he added, "it was nice. Thank you for the ride home. And for, well, not running away from my crazy family."

Dean just smiled a big, cheek-splitting grin (a grin that did some funny things to Cas that he would never admit to) and turned forward in his seat as Mr Singer started teaching.

***

Dean stayed like that the rest of the class, and Cas couldn't help but feel as though maybe that was that - Dean had said his piece, released any guilt he had over being a rude guest, and they would go back to their routine of ignoring each other. They would once again be the hot, unattainable jock, and the quiet, dorky nerd - only now Castiel would know what it was like to be more.

Try as he might, Cas couldn't rid himself of the nagging doubts, and he spent most of his class staring down desperately at his paper, trying to imagine how he could possibly factor what he later realized was an un-factorable trinomial. As the bell rang, he gathered his notes, shoved his binder into his backpack, and turned to leave with Mr Singer and the rest of the lunch-bound students, only to find Dean right in front of him.

"Are you alright?" Dean asked, his eyebrows furrowed in what Cas decided was an unfairly adorable way (he quickly shoved that idea out of his head). "You're just - you were so quiet during class today," Dean clarified, visibly getting flustered.

"I'm... normally quiet?" Cas gazed up at Dean, his head tilted slightly to the side, and he saw something change in Dean's eyes. The frosted glass melted into something resembling fondness. Dean looked down, rubbing the back of his neck and unsuccessfully fighting back a blush.

"You're not - well, you are, but, well, you kind of," he sighed in exasperation, and Cas noted this was the first time he had seen the quarterback be at a loss for words. "You tend to kind of... mumble, I guess, when you do your work, especially if it's a really hard question and you just weren't today. The only times you haven't mumbled I've noticed you look upset in some way. I just," he paused once again, this time appearing to be searching for the right words. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

Cas felt something blossom in his chest, something unexpected and new and a little bit frightening, but mostly it warmed him from the inside out and left him grinning bigger than he ever had. It was something that chased away the fears and the doubts and left him feeling more whole that he had felt since Chuck left. 

"Dean," he said, hearing the smile in his voice, "thank you. I'm okay." 

Dean looked up at that, hesitant, and looking every bit as nervous as Cas had felt when he walked into class that morning. His face, too, split into a grin as he saw Cas's expression. 

"Hey, do you maybe want to eat lunch with me today? Er, us, that is, the group of people that I eat lunch with, including me?" Dean was stumbling over his words again, but he was still grinning, and by God was Cas slowly falling madly in love with that smile. He told himself that it was probably just because friends wanted to see each other happy. Regardless, Cas was realizing he would do anything to see that smile again and so, gathering his courage, he answered yes. Dean's smile grew, and Cas knew he had made the right choice.

||A/N: hi yes my boys are gAY and this chapter is tooth rotting compared to my real-life cynicism.

I hope it made your heart go fuzzy and warm and weird.

Thanks for reading!