I looked at him for a while before I said anything. I tried to figure out what feelings I had for him. I always thought about what kind of feelings I had for Damon. But this was the moment, where I had to think hard, and be sure that those were the feelings I had. I didn't want to make a mistake, so I said,
"I don't know what I feel, Damon." But I do know that I care about you, and couldn't imagine a world without you in it. I want you in my life, but I just don't know if i'm-" I paused for a moment to try to understand what Damon was feeling as I was telling him this. Damon smiled a smile of hope. It made me smile inside. I didn't actually smile though because it's not like I made a decision. It's not like I knew what I wanted yet. All I knew was that I love Stefan, but I can't shake Damon off, no matter how hard I tried. He was there, under my skin, and from this moment, I knew there was nothing I could do to get him out.
"You don't know how long i've been waiting for you to say that. Even if it isn't I love you. I know all those times you said you hated me, and i've lost you, I know now that i'll always have you," Damon said weeping tears of happiness.
I teared a bit, but I wasn't crying tears of joys, but tears of relief. Relief that I can finally stop convincing myself I hate Damon because I don't. I knew this journey wasn't going to be easy though. It was only the beginning. I needed to find out if what I felt for Damon, was love or just a friendship love.
I walked towards Damon slowly. He looked at me nervously, but even though he looked nervous, I knew this was the moment he was waiting for, and I was about to give it to him. I didn't want to think of Stefan, but he was there at the back of my mind. I could feel Stefan's pain, but I also felt Damon's happiness, happiness to finally be with me. It's a moment I was waiting for too, i'm not going to lie. But it's also the moment I was trying to avoid, but I knew I couldn't avoid it any longer. This was the moment where I had to finally find out what my feelings were for Damon.
We were standing face to face. I breathed heavily, as did Damon. We were both nervous, but we were both eager to kiss eachother. I not only wanted to kiss Damon but I needed to, and I did. I kissed Damon. He picked me up, and put me on the bed gently. I looked at him above me. His mouth was open, breathing hard. He acted as if this was his first time making love to a woman. I chuckled at my thought since Damon has practically had every woman in this town, but me. I'm the woman he loves, and he hasn't had me. I just wanted to jump his bones, still ashamed of thinking it, but it was the truth. I wanted to give myself to him.
"Are you sure?" Damon asked.
I looked at him with disbelief. Disbelief that Damon would actually ask me if I was sure. I thought this was what he wanted, and wouldn't do anything to ruin it. But he was being selfless. He wanted to make sure I was ok with it. I was ok with it, but I wasn't thrilled about it, since I knew I was hurting Stefan.
Damon saw how long I took to answer, so he got off me, and just laid down next to me. I looked at him like a totally different man, the man Damon told me about in 1864. I smiled and closed my eyes. Damon touched my hand, and I didn't move it away. I held on to his hand, not wanting to let go. I knew Damon was watching me as I was falling asleep, but I didn't mind. I didn't mind him laying next to me, in fact, I was happy that I would wake up with him the next day.
(End of motel chapter)
