Wonderless

Chapter 56

{KELLIN POINT OF VIEW}
I sat on the ground crying and Vic had his arms around me.  And I suddenly remembered that Vic is a senior. And he's not going to be here next year. What am I going to do with out him?

"Vic.. what's going to happen when you graduate ?"I asked still crying

"I'm taking a gap year or two depending and then going to the junior college near here. Why?" Vic asked

"Because I want you somewhere close because next school head is going to be absolute hell with out you" I said

"Don't worry kells. I'm not leaving you" Vic smiled

"You Know If You take a gap year mom's gonna require you get a job" Mike chimed in.

"Your point?" Vic asked

"How Are You two Going to have a relationship if you get a job and kells has school" mike asked

"We'd work it out" I said.

"It's not gonna be complicated?" Mike asked
"Ouch" mike flinched as Tony smacked him upside the head.

"Mike what's going on with you?" Vic asked

"Nothing." Mike said.

I didn't believe him at all but I didn't really care.

I got up and vic stood up with me.

"I'm gonna go smoke under the bleachers, if anyone needs me" I said walking off and pulling out my phone and music

I lauded on the ground under the bleachers starring Up and off into space, I had headphones listening to whatever came in with my music on shuffle, smoking lost in my head.
I shadow came over me and I didn't bother to see who it is. I assumed jf was one of 4 people Vic,Tay, Alex, Jack.  But I was wrong
I look and see Tony standing over me. 

"Hey Tony. I honestly didn't expect you to be over here." I said

"I gotta talk to you that's why?" He said.

"What's up?" I asked

"How did you tell vic about your self harm and all that stuff?" He asked

"I didn't. We met for the first time in the mental hospital... he learned it all that way. J mean alex told him about the drugs. But like everything else he figured out. Why?" I questioned.

"Because" Tony sighed sitting next to me.

I sat up. "Tony are you self harming?" I asked

"Kinda..." He Said quietly

"What's Kinda?" I asked

"I mean it's nothing seriously, it's. It like it's leaving serious scars . It's just like taking a safety pin to my skin till it bleed" HE Explain

"Tony, what's going on? What brought this on when did it start? I asked

"Uh... a little under a year ago. I don't know. I feel like mike is loosing interest in me, Or that I'm not important half the time" Tony said.

"Trust me mike is still interested in you.  It's just lately I think he's been a pre occupied. I mean his brother spent a week in the the hospital on suicide watch. Imagine watching your older brother try  try taking his own life multiple times. I have no idea if I'd even be able to function" I said

"Kellin that's the point, hes worried if Vic ever looses you, he'll Loose Vic. And he think you two have a toxic relationship.." Tony explained

"How the fuck is the relationship toxic?" I asked

"I have no idea. I don't see it. Mine just thinks vic cares More about you than he cares about himself and that's Vic is going to be constantly stressed and that you are emotionally draining to him" Tony said

"Mike has absolutely no idea what our relationship is really like, what goes on behind closed doors. Trust me when I say Vic and I are fine. Mike needs to chill because he's worried about nothing.  Everything is fine" I explained

"Kells, another note. We are all worried about you" Tony added

"Eh When aren't you? I could be an entire year clearly from everything you guys would still be worried" I said

"Yeah, Vic had been more worried about you lately and yesterday didn't really convince us that you were okay" Tony said concerned.

"Hey don't worry to much about yesterday.. that was well. It was a day" I sighed

"BUt last night ? What was that?" Tony asked

"A manic mood swing" I said with almost no emotion in my voice

"You're bipolar ?" Tony asked really confused

"It explains a lot but Tony what we need to talk about right now is the fact that you're self harming. Tony. Look at me. At my body and utterly fucked up it is because I've taken razor blades, knifes, cigarettes and anything else I can find to it. You want to end up like this? Scarred and insecure?" I asked

"It's not bad. It barely leaves a mark let alone scars" Tony sighed

"Tony this started out with 1 cut with a pencil sharpener blade. It starts and you get dependant and it escalates" I said

"It's Not Going To escalate" Tony snapped

"Relax. Tony. Breath" I said quietly.
"I'm not excusing you or anything or I'm just saying that from my experience and the number of people I've met at my various stays at various hospitals and the rehab centre it's does escalate. And you get very reliant on it. It's an addiction Tony. I don't want it taking over you. I don't want you ending up like me" I explained

"I'm not going to end up like you... oh shit I didn't mean it that way" Tony said

"Nah it's fine.i know what you're trying to say" I explained

"Kells, I still don't know how to tell him.." Tony sighed

"I mean I can drop an anonymous note in his locker that says "I'm concerned your boyfriend might be self harming" and then you won't have to tell him" I said

"WOULD You?" Tony Asked.

"Sure. Remind me later to write the note and put it in his locker." I smiled

"Thanks kellin" Tony smiled