Glamping ~ Joel Dommett

Him Again

I sift the dusty icing sugar over the freshly baked breakfast muffins delicately, imagining that I am a tiny pixie sprinkling magical powder over the fields and soil to make Spring come faster and the flowers appear.

Some of the sickly Nutella inside the muffins comes oozing out the sides, I gingerly soak it up with my finger, not even ashamed. My mum taught me this recipe, sometimes she would do them as a treat on Saturday mornings, but instead of my chocolate version, she used to use strawberry jam. I've never really been a big fan.

I plate up the treats, feeling very pleased with myself.

As it was my birthday last week, I've been spoilt rotten (what with being taken out to dinner, a bloody movie premier, and a two night stay in Wales) and I wanted to give something back to Joel for making it the most memorable birthday yet.

I'm expecting to see a huge grin on his face when he wanders into the kitchen but instead, I'm shocked and disappointed to see that when Joel does wander in, he is fully dressed. Smartly.

"I've got a meeting with my agent-" he pauses when he sees the golden muffins on the plate. "Did you just make these?"

I nod solemnly, pulling down the sleeves of my jumped with a hint of annoyance.

Joel frowns and comes round the side of the counted, kissing my temple, "They look delicious," he gushes, "but I have to go."

"They'll keep till tomorrow." I shrug, trying to act like I'm not bothered (which I am).

"They smell divine Calla, I'm so sorry, it's a last minute arrangement." His eyes look guilty so I soften my expression.

"No worries, call me when you're on your way home."

He picks up his thermos with a sad look on his face, drooling over the breakfast he could've had. "I love you." He mouths, halfway out the door, jacket slumped over one shoulder casually, sunglasses clipped onto the collar of his shirt despite it still be winter.

I weakly smile back before calling him, "Wait! Take some with you!" And like a mum on a rushed Monday morning, I have two muffins in a Tupperware container quicker than lighting.

Joel grins and hugs the plastic to his chest, blowing a kiss in my direction, and leaving me to get on with my day.

:-:-:-:

I feel lonely without Joel.

I'm very emotional this morning, my eyes red and puffy from crying and I don't even know why the tears keep falling. I feel trapped.

Being pregnant makes you feel more vulnerable, and right now, I feel seriously dependent on Joel.

I wipe my eyes and blow my nose, all the hormones rushing through my body like fire burning a forest instantly.

I scrunch my hair up into a messy bun and peer over at my to-do list which is crammed with chores I have to complete.

Need to pick to pick up a parcel.

Need to take back a dress I bought.

Need to buy some new comfy shoes because my feet have grown.

Yada yada yada.

I groan, forcing myself up and off of the sofa and pull on my grey jumper. Even though it is winter, it looks warm out, so I fumble for my sunglasses to (to cover my blotchy eyes).

I look a complete mess.

Who cares.

I head out of our house and onto the street, feeling immediately better once the fresh air hits me.