Confessions of A Sex Addict

Third Confession

A week later and I'm sitting in my Benz, on my way to group. Suprisingly I hadn't seen Carter all week. I was actually early this time so I sat in my car while I waited. I watched as a white Jeep Wrangler pulled in three spaces over. Carter got out and locked his rig as he made his way into the building. Nerves built in my chest and I got out and locked my own car and entered the help center. I walked down the hallways, the echoing sound of my heels clicking against the tiled floors was the only thing to be heard. I stopped before going into the classroom. I took a deep breath. And pushed the door open. Carter and the two other ladies in the group were sitting around chatting with the mentor. When my eyes landed on Carter, he was already looking at me. I tried to suppress the blush and sat down where I had the previous week.
Wait, blush?.
I looked around the room awkwardly until the meeting started. We went around the circle saying one good thing that had happened during the last week. I said nothing....
"Mallory, you finished last week so you'll starts us off this week. Can you tell us one reason that brought you to this addiction?" I wouldn't tell her anything. Let alone random strangers and one of my employees.
"I could but I'm not going to because it's none of your business." I had never seen someone look so offended in my life.
"It is the exercise to help you get over this addiction. If you refuse to openly acknowledge the underlying cause of your addiction, you need to leave." I stared at her for a second. If she had known the 'underlying cause' of my addiction She wouldn't be talking to me like I'm a disgrace. Technically we all are. That dumb blonde bitch included. With her snooty" I made it to the top and you didn't" attitude.
"Fuck you. You're so judgemental up on your pedestal. I thought that maybe this Could be helpful for me. But instead you just ruined any chance of me coming a third time. I shouldn't have to openly acknowledge shit. It's my business and as long as I can acknowledge it within myself that's what should matter. But you're just a nosy bitch who has no care about an individual's privacy." I yanked my bag off the floor and stood, accidentally shoving the chair over as I went. I threw my bag over my shoulder and nearly ran from the building. I got in my car, slamming the door. I know exactly why I am the way I am. But I was searching for a way to fix it. Not to be judged at every moment.
I angrily wiped the few tears from my face and started my car to leave. I went straight to my office. I stormed right through the main lobby and didn't even wait for the elevator. I walked the 10 flights of stairs. I locked the door as soon as I entered my office. I threw my stuff on the couch on the far wall and put my face in my hands and screamed.
I took a deep breath. That dumb bitch will not get the best of me. I sat down at my desk and got a massive stack of paper work done.

By 10 I had finished two of the piles that had been sitting on my desk for weeks. I rubbed my eyes tiredly. I stood and walked to my couch. Giving my back a much needed break. I might as well take a nap before I get more work done. I unbuttoned my shirt and slid my skirt down my legs, leaving it on the floor. Grabbing the small quilt off the back of the couch. I remember my grandmother had made the quilt for me when I was 13. I thought that having something so comforting in my office could help with the stress. I was only half wrong. I let my eyes close.

When I woke the handle to my office door was jiggling. I sat up halfway and pulled the quilt over my lap. I tried to keep my eyes open but was failing miserably. The door opened and I was shocked to see Carter come through the door. He looked around the room before his eyes landed on me.
He was quick to apologize, "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't think you were in here... The door was locked." I nodded, half asleep.
"It's fine I was just taking a nap so I could get more work done." I remembered my shirt was unbuttoned but I didn't care.
"I was told a vent wasn't working in here.... But I can fix it later if you'd prefer that?" I shook my head and swung my legs over the edge of the couch. I could feel him staring at me while I stood and pulled my skirt back on and began buttoning my shirt. My eyes drooped as I tried to slip my flats on, almost falling over.
"You can go ahead and fix it now. I think I should get home..." In my half sleep I searched for my bag. And snatched it off the floor. I sleepily trudged toward the door.
"Are you alright to drive?" Carter actually sounded worried.
"Probably not, but I'll make it home."
He walked towards me.
"I can drive you home. I don't think I want my boss to get in a car wreck because I let you drive home while you're half awake." He reached out and gently grabbed my shoulder to stop me.
"Fine, but only if you fuck me." He didn't really give the surprised reaction I was hoping for and he guided me from the office and to the elevator. I dozed off while standing in against the bars. It most definitely woke me up when we came to a stop on the first floor. We stepped out and I dragged my feet to the underground parking garage and led him to my car. I handed him my purse and pushed in the combination on the door to unlocked the other doors. I walked around the car and got in the passenger seat.
I don't remember giving him my address, or the code for the gate onto my property. But we had pulled into the garage and I got out, handed him a 50 dollar bill and told him to get a cab back to the office.
"Are you sure you'll be okay being alone tonight?" In my sleepy state there was no knowing what I would say. But I nodded, "Yeah, It's been a really hard day. So I'm just going to go cry myself to sleep." I turned and began walking into my house. He gently grabbed my arm and twisted me to face him, him hazel eyes showing concern. "Hey what the mentor said this morning was bullshit. You don't have to tell someone as nosy as her, your problems. It's none of her business. It's nobody's but yours and the people you decide to tell." I vision blurred as he talked.

"It wasn't just what the woman said to me this morning. There's a lot of factors playing into my horrible day. I'd rather keep it all in than explain myself to anyone." My voice was noticeably thick as I tore my arm away from him and entered my house. I kind of felt bad just leaving him out there like that. But I didn't want to cry in front of him. I definitely didn't want to burden him with my problems either. I silently let the tears fall as I headed to my room. How badly I wanted to share this massive bed with someone. Not just for one night. At this time in my life I was terrified that I would never find someone to love me and keep me on track. I pulled the blankets over my head and cried. Just because of my childhood, my life was ruined. I might not be what I am today if I would have just stayed in my room. I might of been a good girl if I hadn't of walked into my mother's room that night... My birth father was the only one who really loved me. That's why I chose to honor him. My mother was just a cheating tramp who couldn't stay sober for ten minutes. Not that anyone knew what really went on in our dysfunctional household. But I can truly thank her for how my life turned out. The good: I am a successful, honorable woman. The bad: I'm to afraid to let someone love me Because I'll just run away and fuck someone else.... I can't keep this up forever.
Soon my tears took me and I fell asleep.

I'm sorry these chapters are a little short. Hopefully they will get longer.... Vote, and comment.

Samantha