better with you | pjm [ON-HOLD]

o n e

Angel

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The thing about life is that the moment you let your guard down, a storm might just be in there lurking waiting to strike you down and never let you get back up at your feet. One moment you're the happiest person, the other you're not.

I started to doubt every Disney princess movie ever wondering if there is really a happy ending for everyone. I've been trying to forget that day. That day when I decided to let go and give up for good. That day when he begged me to stay but I didn't. I never thought that forgetting is this hard. I never thought that I have to learn the art of letting go after meeting him.

I sighed. There's always a first for everyone. And that first was really something unpleasant.

I bit my lip as an attempt to not let the tears fall again. It didn't even hurt when I bit too hard tasting my blood.

A year already passed and yet my eyes are not yet tired spilling tears for someone who already forgot about me. A year already passed and yet I'm still thinking about the "what ifs". There are no what ifs only the reality of the choices that you've made.

But I need to stop acting like I'm the victim, like I was the one who was hurting the most when I was the one who left him. He's the one who is suffering the most.

I was by the bay again gazing at the horizon. Every morning I will go here and just remember stupid memories, the ones I've been trying to forget. Sometimes I think I'm just dumb for doing this everyday when I know very well that I can't move on when I keep going back to places I should never go back to.

It's okay this is what I wanted anyway. 

"Ya! Jeon Jungkook! Wait for me!" I ran as fast as I could towards the man who's holding all of my stuff including my beloved camera.

"I am waiting for you. C'mon we'll miss the sunset!" He held out his hand but I just stared at him then at his outstretched hand.

I bit my lip.

"What? Don't make me wait any longer just hold my hand."

I'm still not used in doing these things in public but since I like holding his hand, it gives off this warm feeling of summer.

I smiled. "Okay let's go together." I grabbed his hand and I immediately felt the warmth and comfort I feel whenever I'm near him. It's so relaxing. I like it here just beside him.

He squeezed my hand and smiled at me. Oh dear, there goes my heart again. Calm down, please.

"Don't let go," I nodded. Maybe he's worried that I'll get lost because there are a lot of people waiting here and it's getting crowded. I don't blame them this is a famous spot for sunsets anyway.

I feel excited just thinking that I'll watch the sunset again but not by myself but with someone special to me, someone dear to my heart.

I wish this will never end.

"I won't." I reassured him.

But I did let go. I had no choice. Shit. Don't fucking cry now Maddison.

 And now I can't even watch a sunset without having to bawl my eyes out. I'm so pathetic.

Shaking away these thoughts, I looked at the camera I brought with me. I don't understand why I always bring this when I stopped taking pictures of the things I used to love.

I still kept the picture that I took when I first met him. I don't why I still kept in the first place. I should've deleted all the pictures and burned all the things that reminded me of him. But I can't, I just can't, pathetic.