Is saw him in a dream..
He was standing outside the door but I couldn't open it to let him in..
I hadn't seen him in over 4 years...
I was stuck just knowing that he was out there.
I wanted to scream till every bit of air in my lungs was wasted but....I couldn't.
I keep picking at my scabs
I have new bad habits.
The skin on my lip is constantly pealed off...if feels good...the pain
Its a constant reminder that im still alive.
Alive and suffering
Its so hard to stop thinking this way.
Everyone thinks I do this for attention but I dont
I've been suffering silently for the past 2 years yet they have the audacity to say "Get over it!"
As if depression is something that can be remedied by any of the contents of a first aid kit!
To this day I am a stick of TNT lit from both ends.
I can decribe in detail the way the sky bends the moment before its about to fall.
Despite an army of friends who call me an inspiration I remain a conversation peice between people who cant understand!
Sometimes being drug free has less to do with addiction and more to do with sanity!
If I break in a school and no one around chooses to hear, do I make a sound?
Or am I just background noise from a soundtrack stuck on repeat when people say things like "Kids can be crule?"
But I want to tell you that all of this is just debris. Leftover when I finally decide to smash all the things I used to be.
There's something inside me that made me keep trying despite everyone who told me to quit!
I built a cast around my broken heart and signed it myself. I signed it "They were wrong!"
Mabey I used to bring bruises and broken teeth to show and tell but never told.
Because how can you stand your ground if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it!
I want to belive that they were wrong!...
They have to be wrong....
Why else would I be here?
I grew up planted in the belief that I was not what I was called....
Im not some abandond car sitting empty on some highway.
And if in some way I am...
Dont worry I only need to walk out and get gas.
We are graduating members of the class of "Fuck off we made it!"
As if crying echos of voices screaming out names will never hurt me...
Of course they did...
But my life will always be a balancing act that has less to do with pain..
And more to do with beauty.
